June 2014

The Arkansas Traveller

They don’t have a lot of religious relics in the United States but those they have they hold dear. In Arkansas they have the original pogo stick Jesus used to jump on. When a traveller challenged the authenticity of the relic he was murdered by true believers. This happened in 1919 the same year sticks were patented and imported to the US.
Today there is a song schoolchildren sing about it, but the revised song purports to be about a bumble bee. It is no longer the state song, having been supplanted in 1974 with “Arkansas’ll Getcha.”

Cursed objects and the purchase thereof

Not every item at The Old Curiosity Shop is cursed. In fact, those that are we keep safely behind the counter. You may only gaze upon them in the presence of our highly trained staff. Touching is forbidden unless you are over the age of eighteen and are certified to handle cursed objects. We will not sell a cursed item to any customer without a full background check and a waiting period.

An exception to this is the cursed item grab bag by the door. Pick a box, any box. You never know what you will get and that is part of the fun. As always, re-gifting from the grab bag is forbidden. You get what you get and what you got is yours and yours alone.

Some items, however, are magical without the added onus of being cursed, per se. There is no extra charge for this. The magic, we give away. This saves the consumer from having to pay the magic tax, which can be hefty.
No magic tax on any item bought this year. We eat the magic tax. Literally. We transform it into cupcakes that we sell next door. Please stop by on the way out. This is how we pass the magic tax back onto you.

Buy three objects and you may refer to them as a Trinity. No charge.
The Old Curiosity Shop. Unending Bargains! Ceaseless Havoc! Eternal Joy! Constant Dread! Free Parking! Soundproof Walls!

A shadow’s nose

The famous image of a nose scrawled all over the world in graffiti, a running joke or a profound statement that something has gone off?
Is it based on one specific person’s nose or is it based on an amalgam of every kind of nose; an everynose?
The answer is, of course, “no one knows.”