The ballad of the whip

For sale, one whip

Hardly used – hardly used

This is not a sad story

Do not be disabused

A man came here and bought it

Yes he did – yes he did

It’s none of my business

Whatever he does

But I could not help but wonder

When he went on his way

Whether he bought it to whip others

Or himself– Or himself

Whether he bought it to whip others

Or himself– Or himself

(That’s called flagellation*)

Whether he bought it to whip others

Or himself– Or himself

***

[*not fellatio]

 

Backhanded compliment

H.G. Wells went to the theater with Charles Chaplin. It was an early sound film and Chaplin fidgeted in his seat all the way through it. When it was over Chaplin said, “It was a terrible film.”

“Yes,” said Wells. “But there was talking. And that’s enough for me.”

My own personal favorite backhanded compliment was a letter I received which simply said, “Sometimes I love you.”