Full metal jacket, update

Sergeant: “Texas?! There are only two types from Texas, boy, steers and queers. Which are you?”

Private Joker: “Queer.”

Sergeant: “All right then.”

Hermitages

This is a true story. 

In the old days wealthy estates would set up a Hermitage. In the hermitage would live one hermit. The Hermitage would be set up on the outskirts of the estate, probably near the entrance. Visitors entering the estate would be able to see the Hermitage, and possibly the hermit, actively pursuing the hermit lifestyle. But they would not speak to the hermit for the hermit was paid to hermit. 
Modern life is different. But the same.

From 1906 to you, still true

“CHRISTIAN, n. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.”

Excerpt From: Ambrose Bierce “The Devil’s Dictionary” 1906

 

Legalized foot cream

“Cat Planning Evil” by Richard F. Yates, stolen from same. All artists steal as all cats murder.

A few days ago I went to one of the local marijuanna outlets and bought some cannabis infused ginger cayenne cream.

A year ago I hurt my foot bicycling and it has since been examined x-rayed and pronounced afflicted with neuroma, nerve pain. According to bicycling magazine website, a common bicycling injury.

So I bought cannabis cream.

And I have rubbed it into the small area afflicted. And it seems to be having an effect.

For one thing, my foot now smells like cannabis.

 

*May also be decreasing pain.

“Rowdy” Roddy Piper story:

Piper's finest film

Piper’s finest film

Professional wrestler “Rowdy” Roddy piper came to my high school to speak to my world problems class. He gave a long blustering right wing tirade.

He was there to talk about his expertise vis-a-vis violence in society. He did not come in his work clothes but dressed in jeans and a dress-shirt. On the wall was a signed photo of the teacher’s hero: Ronald Reagan.

He did bring his rasslin’ bluster, somewhat toned down, as he launched into a tirade about how society was too lenient on youth and other crimes. As he worked himself into a boil he finally reached his crescendo with a statement that people should be beaten and shot for petty crimes and hijinks. The room laughed at him. He was taken aback and growled, “You laugh because none of you have ever been shot!” And the laughter exploded. You could barely hear him protest, “If any of you had ever been shot you wouldn’t be laughing.” He had the room rolling in the aisles.

In the center of the room, laughing, was a guy in a leg cast. He had been shot.

After Piper left, the teacher, a friend of Piper, gave a long blustering speech about how we were mean to Rowdy Roddy Piper.

 

I know what you’re saying. Roddy Piper died today. This is a terrible memorial. But I enjoyed the film They Live; just not as much as Hell Comes to Frogtown.

 

Machines that measure sadness

I know there hasn’t been a podcast episode in three weeks. My apple-ologies.

 

 

Dead Beatles

Cartoon Beatles play the Dead Kennedys classic California Uber Alles.

Christian Cake; Gay Cake | Food Fight

hotcake hotcake hotcake

This is not a cake it is dynamite (with apologies to our old friend Friedrich Nietzsche). Hotcake.

Some Christian bakers who open bakeries to sell cake do not want to sell cake to gay customers. Picky, picky, picky.

What makes evangelical Christians go into cake businesses anyway? Is it that much of a rush to deny cake to people? Evangelical Cakegasm.

“Follow our rules or no one gets cake” will never work. The code for cake was cracked long ago. Now anyone can make it. (Cake has risen.)

Forbidden cake tastes just like cake. You can’t fool me.  With cake.

You know, the gays have actually perfected cake. And they will let anyone eat gay cake.
What would happen if an evangelical Christian accidentally ate some gay cake?

Do not even get me started on evangelical hardware store owners. Selectively selling tools is not on the level.

 

Banality + evil = Bill Cosby

This is my official stance on Bill Cosby:

I never enjoyed Bill Cosby.
His act always put me to sleep.

Do not tell ’em Show ’em. Or t’other way ’round. Whatever.

Due to the heat I have written you a poem:
All the fishes in the sea have sent a letter addressed to me. Mostly they were just interested in saying “hi” but also expressing a wish that we eat more pie. For the best pies are made from the fruit of the trees and do not contain anything which swims in the seas. I wrote them back to ask “Why me?” And they said, “We got your name from a bumblebee.”
“Ah,” said I, “I know it* well.”
“Yes,” said the fishes, “It said you were really swell.”

The cock crows at the sun, via Momentcam

The cock crows at the sun

Cherry is my favorite of all pies. Do not tell the other pies.

Magic fishes grant wishes. They grant only one due to austerity. So whatever you wish for say it with clarity.

(* Bumblebee neither a he nor a she but a drone. And we all drone on. Like the sea, and the stars, and the sun.)

There is nothing civil about this war

Since Bree Newsome took down the Confederate battle flag isn’t she a war hero? A living civil war veteran?

Only non-racists get to eat ice cream.

Only non-racists get to eat ice cream.

She, with the help of Jimmy Tyson scaled the flagpole at the capitol of South Carolina and removed the Confederate battle flag placed there because the state of South Carolina is unhappy that they are forced to live in a multicultural society. A group of supporters observed from the ground. But the state of South Carolina put the flag back up less than an hour later. In time for an important rally for white supremacy. They actually had a rally for white supremacy scheduled that morning. It was on the schedule. Someone called and said, “We’re coming for a rally for white power on the capitol grounds. Is the Confederate battle flag still waving proudly?” And the clerk in the South Carolina office of white supremacist coordination and battle flag raising said, “The Confederate battle flag is waving proudly every day here. This is South Carolina.” Then he (or she, they’ve come a long way in South Carolina) said “White Power!” And the rally organizer answered “White Power!” And they each hung up.

Taking down the confederate battle flag, on the other hand, was an unscheduled act. So the state of South Carolina have arrested Bree Newsome and Jimmy Tyson and charged them with “defacing monuments on state capitol grounds” regardless of the fact that someone already defaced the state capitol by flying the battle flag of the Confederacy, the historic enemy of the USA, like the Third Reich or ISIS. And until Bree Newsome and Jimmy Tyson came along, no one had the civic pride to do something about it.

Would it have made any difference if they called ahead and scheduled the clean up? I’m just confused about what it is that is really bothering South Carolina. I don’t think most states would mind if I went to their capitols and helped dispose of some trash, on my own time. Depending on the state I might even be awarded some sort of civic pride badge.

So, South Carolina is holding Bree Newsome and Jimmy Tyson, US civil war POWs, and threatening them with up to 3 years in prison as political prisoners and up to a $5,000 fine for non-littering.

But isn’t South Carolina insisting on flying the Confederate battle flag treason?

But the important thing is that the white supremacists had a nice rally at the capitol. The confederate battle flag was waving. There was some potato salad and other white foods, like white bread and mayonnaise. And everyone had a nice time and nobody got killed.

Supporters of the Confederate battle flag, claiming they are being misrepresented would now like to have a national discussion about that flag and what it really means. What it means is, if that is your flag, you are a loser.
The US already fought the civil war. If some southern states insist on fighting it again they will go down in history as two time losers.

This will not end well. Except for Bree Newsome and Jimmy Tyson. They are going to get veteran benefits dating back to May 09, 1865.

http://act.colorofchange.org/sign/DropTheFlagDropTheCharges/

* The comparison of some southern states to Germany is a flawed analogy, I admit. Germany is ashamed of its disreputable past.

 

Xirt yo’self 

I have a rabbit on each shoulder. I know what you’re thinking: “One is good one is evil.” But you’re wrong. They’re both evil.

rabbits

They are both white rabbits and they get a lot of mileage out of this. There is a certain trust engendered in the white rabbit by society, as people are trained from an early age to follow them wherever they may lead without asking any questions, even if we all end up in a bunker far underground.

It makes me hopping mad!

But I always feel I am running late and that time is running out and I need to hop to it.

And it does nothing for my nerves, these rabbits, hopping up and down on my shoulders, as if every day and night were a rabbit holiday.

Do not even get me started about the bird on my head.