{"id":2565,"date":"2021-02-23T20:01:36","date_gmt":"2021-02-24T04:01:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/?p=2565"},"modified":"2021-02-23T20:58:54","modified_gmt":"2021-02-24T04:58:54","slug":"the-tyrannical-rule-of-three-callbacks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/the-tyrannical-rule-of-three-callbacks\/","title":{"rendered":"The Tyrannical Rule of Three Callbacks"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Play\"<\/a><\/div>\n

Podcast: Play in new window<\/a> | Download<\/a> (Duration: 10:26 — 14.3MB)<\/p>

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts<\/a> | Amazon Music<\/a> | Android<\/a> | iHeartRadio<\/a> | Email<\/a> | TuneIn<\/a> | RSS<\/a> | More<\/a><\/p>\n

Last Call for the Three Comedians<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The melancholic comedian considered the puzzle of existence. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The listener doesn\u2019t know. The ins and outs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He considered the audience, melancholic, dour, hard to please. Their lack of humor saddened him and effected his presence, a poor reflection upon them. He sought out the advice of his compatriots. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

His bombardier insisted the answer was to hurl more bombs, from unexpected directions, the unpredictability measured to alter the viewpoint of the audience. In this she was adamant. It was the only way. Confrontational mendacity. Factionalize the audience. Make them fight themselves before you. Because the listeners don\u2019t know. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What\u2019s good for them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

She had written a book on this subject, of interest to those who rebel. Naturally it bombed in the marketplace. She claimed it had been defused by being watered down by said marketplace; because a product of a marketplace can never overturn <\/p>\n\n\n\n

the market <\/p>\n\n\n\n

in which it, itself, is a product which arose from those market forces. But people don\u2019t usually find talk like that funny. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s the problem, said the bombedier. The body counts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The upbeat comedian commented that the way was to be as middling as possible, to pander to the most genteel sensibilities,  feed the crowd hamburger to warm their hearts, to make the audience feel <\/p>\n\n\n\n

comfortable <\/p>\n\n\n\n

and part of the majority. To fit in, together. Because the average listener doesn\u2019t know. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What they are missing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

That is why they are so easily satisfied. The other comedians called him a dirty hack, which, of course, he was. But those people who called him that were themselves guilty of being controversial<\/em>. And it\u2019s a strange hill to take a stand on because controversies shift underneath you. And you might slip and fall. And people would laugh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

I believe it was Milton Berle who first said, “The average person will laugh when someone dressed up as a bad person slips on a banana peel and falls on their ass. But to make a comedian laugh an actual bad person has to slip on a banana peel and break their ass. Also, it’s funnier if tragedy comes in threes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because the average listener doesn\u2019t know, <\/p>\n\n\n\n

unless you hit them in the head with it repeatedly, <\/p>\n\n\n\n

the importance of fruit to a healthy diet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Its bananas. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And one can\u2019t talk about diet anymore. That\u2019s going too far. People won\u2019t stand for it. Either way. There is ONE vegan corpse on Mount Everest. And you hear no end of it. Nobody ever talks about the carnivorous diets of all the other corpses which litter the mountain. Man those carnivores are humble. Quiet folk. Unassuming and tolerant. I hear you can still see the half eaten cheeseburger on the guy who serves as a marking post on the east slope. Hamburger Ned they call him. As climbers often say to each other \u2013 if you run into old hamburger Ned, you\u2019ve gone too far!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Can\u2019t you count? Don\u2019t you listen?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Where were you at the last supper?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I hear they re-used all the garnish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Who paid?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Three comedians, each blindfolded, are presented with an elephant. So, when each comedian has a turn to speak and address the situation, they each must, in turn, address the elephant in the room.  Remember, elephants are not cheap but comedians are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 I am sorry for the animal cruelty implicit within this setup.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The first comedian, confronted with the leg of the elephant, tried to just pull his own shtick and this was very revealing. He was trampled, and the crowd seemed to enjoy that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The second comedian, confronted with the animals trunk, didn\u2019t seem to know whether he was coming or going. He\u2019d been a long time in the business, you would think he would understand the importance of timing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The third comedian, confronted with the ass, insisted upon making everything about himself.  And it wasn\u2019t the right crowd for that. If he hadn\u2019t been blindfolded he would have been able to see.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Anyway, the moral of the story is bread is less expensive than circuses but the people\u2019s demand to be entertained can be satiated by mere spectacle which ads up to nothing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I am speaking arabic here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mystery Dinner<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A Hapgood joint<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOf course, we do math after dinner,\u201d said the fancy gentleman.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI would expect nothing less from such a cultured family, said Hapgood. \u201cAfter Dinner Math, the old man always called it. Said it cleared the mind. He was an old man, my old man. Sixty-Seven when I was born.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOf course,\u201d said the fancy gentleman. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHow many courses?\u201d asked Hapgood. \u201cIn this dinner.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOne Hundred Thirty-Four!\u201d said the fancy man.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cA great number, of course,\u201d said Hapgood. \u201cAnd when did your dinner guest die?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIn the middle of the Sixty-Seventh course. Right in the middle, of both the allotted time and the state of the dish, which was half eaten.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHalf, you say,\u201d said Hapgood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI do say,\u201d said the fancy man. \u201cI assume I shall have to say it again. And again.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cInvariably,\u201d said Hapgood. \u201cInvariably.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOf course, in these matters, you are looking for variability,\u201d the fancy gentleman said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cExactly,\u201d said Hapgood. \u201cI look for variability in all matters, wherever I can find it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWell there is none here,\u201d said the fancy man. \u201cIn the middle of the Sixty-Seventh course of a One Hundred and Thirty-Four course dinner, my guest dropped dead. Into the middle of a half eaten dish.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMessy social situation,\u201d said Hapgood. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cInarguably,\u201d said the fancy man. “Inarguably.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou might say the aftermath of the dinner party occurred before the After Dinner Math could have been factored in,\u201d said Hapgood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAre you\u2026 are you having\u2026 fun here tonight, Detective Hapgood?\u201d said the fancy man, his voice crackling with disgust.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYes,\u201d said Hapgood, who was just happy everything was out on the table.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It made discovery easier. But it helped that he looked at the matter as if he were not involved, which is a mistake that can be capitalized upon without correction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

 Come on down to David Raffin dot com where we have a whole line of sweatshirts, tea cozies, dirty playing cards, and bun warmers.  You could sit in the hand that kneads the dough that warms the bun. That\u2019s a premier package over it patreon A monthly donation is auto patreonic and that means you fly the flag. For five dollars a month. You could be a little bit lighter, my friend. Did I mention that advanced practitioners can fly? I would never steer you wrong. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWinner Winner!\u201d by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSomeone Else\u2019s Memories\u201d from the album \u201cThe Politics of Desire\u201d by Revolution Void licensed under Creative Commons Attribution License 3.0.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Grateful acknowledgment thereof. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\"Play\"<\/a><\/div>\n

Podcast: Play in new window<\/a> | Download<\/a> (Duration: 10:26 — 14.3MB)<\/p>

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts<\/a> | Amazon Music<\/a> | Android<\/a> | iHeartRadio<\/a> | Email<\/a> | TuneIn<\/a> | RSS<\/a> | More<\/a><\/p>

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 10:26 — 14.3MB) Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Amazon Music | Android | iHeartRadio | Email | TuneIn | RSS | More Last Call for the Three Comedians The melancholic comedian considered the puzzle of existence.  The listener doesn\u2019t know. The ins and outs. He considered the audience, melancholic, dour, hard to please. Their lack of humor saddened him and effected his presence, a poor reflection upon them. He sought out the advice of his compatriots.  His bombardier insisted the answer was to hurl more bombs, from unexpected directions, the unpredictability measured to...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3,2],"tags":[228,121,183],"class_list":["post-2565","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-podcast","category-writing","tag-comedy","tag-fiction","tag-podcast"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3u13S-Fn","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2166,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/podcast-more-than-one-day\/","url_meta":{"origin":2565,"position":0},"title":"More than One Day","author":"David Raffin","date":"February 9, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"The More than True podcast returns with a vintage story about spies, Russians, shoes, USA electoral politics, and raisins. It's an audio rendition of the story More Than One Day in the Life of Igor Igoravitch, from the collection Hard Fought Illusions of Choice. Enjoy. It is strong. Like Stalin.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Books"","block_context":{"text":"Books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/11009864594_4852f7294e_o.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/11009864594_4852f7294e_o.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/11009864594_4852f7294e_o.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/11009864594_4852f7294e_o.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1891,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/genie-genie-genie\/","url_meta":{"origin":2565,"position":1},"title":"Genie, Genie, Genie","author":"David Raffin","date":"April 10, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"A sparkling new podcast episode which dares tell the truth about wishes and the human heart. \"Winner Winner!\" \u201cDivertissement,\u201d \u201cP.I. Tchaikovsky Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy,\u201d \u201cGhost Dance,\u201d \u201cI Knew a Guy,\" \u201cCamille Saint-Sans Danse Macabre\u201d by\u00a0Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under\u00a0Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 \u201cSomeone Else\u2019s Memories\u201d from the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Books"","block_context":{"text":"Books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/MTT-s.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/MTT-s.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/MTT-s.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/MTT-s.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/MTT-s.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":2730,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/fresh-laugh-tracks\/","url_meta":{"origin":2565,"position":2},"title":"Fresh Laugh Tracks","author":"David Raffin","date":"October 14, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"This podcast is so important I recorded it on my phone. My apologies to those I have yet to offend. No apologies to those I have re-offended. To those I have pre-arranged a future offense for, I await payment. \u201cSomeone Else\u2019s Memories\u201d from the album \u201cThe Politics of Desire\u201d by\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Podcast"","block_context":{"text":"Podcast","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/podcast\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2233,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/carl-jung-in-the-sky-with-zeppo\/","url_meta":{"origin":2565,"position":3},"title":"Carl Jung in the Sky with Zeppo","author":"David Raffin","date":"April 21, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"This podcast is an excerpt from the novella \"Sigmund, Falling Up!\" by David Raffin. Photo by Craig Whitehead on Unsplash \u201cWinner Winner!\u201d by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 \u201cSomeone Else\u2019s Memories\u201d \"Simulation Hypothesis\" \"Line of Flight\" from the album The Politics of Desire by Revolution Void\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "My books"","block_context":{"text":"My books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/my-books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/craig-whitehead-G9IIiAxbKYs-unsplash-scaled.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/craig-whitehead-G9IIiAxbKYs-unsplash-scaled.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/craig-whitehead-G9IIiAxbKYs-unsplash-scaled.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/craig-whitehead-G9IIiAxbKYs-unsplash-scaled.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/craig-whitehead-G9IIiAxbKYs-unsplash-scaled.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1928,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/cupidity\/","url_meta":{"origin":2565,"position":4},"title":"Cupidity","author":"David Raffin","date":"May 14, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"It's time for a tale of love. A love story, if you will. As old as the fingers of fate that surround. Heartwarming! Hearts on fire. \u201cSomeone Else\u2019s Memories\u201d and \"Line of Flight\" from the album The Politics of Desire by Revolution Void licensed under Creative Commons Attribution License 3.0.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Books"","block_context":{"text":"Books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2227,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/buy-war-bonds-wont-you\/","url_meta":{"origin":2565,"position":5},"title":"Buy War Bonds, Won’t You?","author":"David Raffin","date":"April 18, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Photo by\u00a0Museums Victoria\u00a0on\u00a0Unsplash As usual the More Than True podcast is subversive rather than political. An intro by Groucho, a discussion of the tragedy of Abbot And Costello, and Einstein's troubles with the classes. \u201cWinner Winner!\u201d \"Erik Satie: Gymnopedie No 1\" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Podcast"","block_context":{"text":"Podcast","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/podcast\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/museums-victoria-6bFouYJiol0-unsplash-scaled.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/museums-victoria-6bFouYJiol0-unsplash-scaled.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/museums-victoria-6bFouYJiol0-unsplash-scaled.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/museums-victoria-6bFouYJiol0-unsplash-scaled.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/museums-victoria-6bFouYJiol0-unsplash-scaled.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2565","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2565"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2565\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2569,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2565\/revisions\/2569"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2565"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2565"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2565"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}