{"id":2582,"date":"2021-03-02T23:52:10","date_gmt":"2021-03-03T07:52:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/?p=2582"},"modified":"2021-03-11T12:35:24","modified_gmt":"2021-03-11T20:35:24","slug":"duck-down-quack-up-peeking-duck","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/duck-down-quack-up-peeking-duck\/","title":{"rendered":"Duck Down, Quack Up, peeking duck"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Play\"<\/a><\/div>\n

Podcast: Play in new window<\/a> | Download<\/a> (Duration: 8:48 — 12.1MB)<\/p>

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts<\/a> | Amazon Music<\/a> | Android<\/a> | iHeartRadio<\/a> | Email<\/a> | TuneIn<\/a> | RSS<\/a> | More<\/a><\/p>\n

Duck Calls? We have answers. On the record.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

DUCK DUCK DOWN<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Two men walk into a bar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is at this point in the joke  a spectator stands UP from the crowd, having seen something and wishing to report, and says :<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhy are they men?\u201c<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And the Comedian says, <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry, but this is a sexist joke.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Greatest fear: someone will shout “Duck” whilst I’m looking at a duck and I am then hit by a random flying object. Probably a duck in statuette form.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man came into a bar. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is not a dirty joke.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was dark inside because it is a dark joke because the proprietor had failed to pay the bill. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Coincidentally, the proprietor was a duck. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Funny things happen in jokes, the world over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The bar was called \u201cthe duck billed platypus\u201d which was often a point of confusion. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

“But what\u2019s in a name, anyway?\u201d the proprietor quacked. Just a moniker. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Quoth the Raven, \u201cNevermore!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo one asked you,\u201d said the duck.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then the raven lobbed a projectile toward the duck. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Who failed to duck. And was thusly taken out in an untimely manner. Timing was off. Just enough to cause trouble.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The projectile was a cuckoo clock which had stopped. Twice a day corrected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even though it had stopped it made quite an impact upon the duck, effecting the disposition of the bill. All clocks stop eventually.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even a stopped clock is right twice a day <\/p>\n\n\n\n

regardless of the impact upon the bill.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

                                 Sometimes a broken clock takes time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hospitality isn\u2019t all it\u2019s quacked up to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remember TO duck <\/p>\n\n\n\n

when the time comes <\/p>\n\n\n\n

because time flies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The duck billed the platypus three dollars and forty-seven cents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Cents? cents? Don’t make no sense,” said the irate duck billed platypus, waiving the bill in the air.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“You say it ain’t fair?” said the duck.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“I say it ain’t square!” said the platypus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was quite a confrontation hanging in the air.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, the duck billed platypus, he was no fool. He had done and gone to finishing school. He knew what was what, and the meaning of is, he was not new to this turnip truck biz.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“If you don’t like it,” said the duck to his prey, “why don’t you just up and fly away?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Mayhaps I will,” said the platypus. “Mayhaps I will.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because the duck billed platypus had finally had his fill. Of the duck and his quack, of the thumb and it’s tack, and he was not prepared to say when he would be back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Now see here,” said the duck, but the platypus didn’t hear, <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Didn\u2019t hear quack. He had flown to New Zealand, Jack.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every other duck is odd. That\u2019s just ducky.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s the way a duck operates.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Duck double billed the platypus over a plate of flapjacks. It was a society flap. The stool-pigeons saw to that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But flapjacks are always funnier than pancakes, always. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cue the cards.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAfter we seize the means of production <\/p>\n\n\n\n

we’ll set all those duck statuettes free. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

No more to be lined up in neat little rows, <\/p>\n\n\n\n

no more ducks placed in order <\/p>\n\n\n\n

wading on duck row. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

All the duck statuettes fly away home, <\/p>\n\n\n\n

wherever those good eggs may nest. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

On the corner of wild and sycamore street, <\/p>\n\n\n\n

or a mantle<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 if that’s what the duck thinks best.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I hate when something is described as bigger or smaller than a breadbasket. A basket which carries bread CAN be any size.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Council Bluffs, Iowa is home to the “largest breadbasket in the world.” Three people died in the weaving. And for what?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They have proposed the construction of “the biggest little breadbasket in the world.” The very concept boggles the mind. Maximal minimization. Think small is the big picture.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For years philosophers have pondered whether a breadbox which is too small to hold bread can, in fact, be considered a breadbox. This is a slice of life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What is the difference between a breadbasket and a breadbox? One of them is used to hold bread and the other is used to trap it. But which is which?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you find a loaf of bread outside of the bakery \u2013 that bread is free range. But it is still cruel. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What is the relationship between being the judge of a pie baking contest, and the age old tradition of hiring on a food taster for royals with LOW approval ratings?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt is a shame,\u201d said the Queen to the jester, \u201cfor in addition to alerting me to potential poison, my taster would tell me which was good and which was bad. Indeed. Even which was the best. Two things in case of tie!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then the queen laughed. Because the jester did something which invoked the response. However, neither of them considered how social roles would change inevitably through Time: how that which once invoked amusement would eventually become old hat, then unintelligible. Then at last, silly.  The role of the jester would change. The role of the royal taster may even be found redundant if the royalty is considered in poor taste. Even the role of the queen herself, for anyone could be a queen, if but for a day, though the Powers would not be what they were.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the life of a queen these days tends to be a royal drag.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once I went to the lake <\/p>\n\n\n\n

to set some bread free. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am afraid it was eaten by ducks. Nature is cruel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I kept yelling out, in warning, to the bread, “Duck! Duck!” But the bread, sadly, misunderstood. English is tricky.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Veterinarians don’t like caring for ducks because ducks universally consider them quacks & are not shy about telling them so to their face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After a vet fixes a duck’s bill, damaged in an altercation with a rabbit and a stick of dynamite, this can be rather demeaning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the duck’s part, the duck is irritated by the price on the bill from the veterinarian. The duck finds it despicable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After all, the duck could’ve turned his own bill around. Then strode off in indignation. The latter part he does anyway, bill in hand\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 To the sound of the closing credits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Go to David raffin dot com. For five dollars a month you\u2019ll learn to swim upstream. Its all free spawning from there. Caviar dreams. Until then, All the best fishes grant wishes to dishes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWinner Winner!\u201d by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSomeone Else\u2019s Memories\u201d and “Time Flux” from the album \u201cThe Politics of Desire\u201d by Revolution Void licensed under Creative Commons Attribution License 3.0.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Grateful acknowledgment thereof. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\"Play\"<\/a><\/div>\n

Podcast: Play in new window<\/a> | Download<\/a> (Duration: 8:48 — 12.1MB)<\/p>

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts<\/a> | Amazon Music<\/a> | Android<\/a> | iHeartRadio<\/a> | Email<\/a> | TuneIn<\/a> | RSS<\/a> | More<\/a><\/p>

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 8:48 — 12.1MB) Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Amazon Music | Android | iHeartRadio | Email | TuneIn | RSS | More Duck Calls? We have answers. On the record. DUCK DUCK DOWN Two men walk into a bar. It is at this point in the joke  a spectator stands UP from the crowd, having seen something and wishing to report, and says : \u201cWhy are they men?\u201c And the Comedian says, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, but this is a sexist joke.\u201d <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_hide_featured_image":false,"_jetpack_featured_image_duplicate_dismissed":0,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[3,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2582","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-podcast","category-writing"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3u13S-FE","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":4181,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/one-goose-mongoose\/","url_meta":{"origin":2582,"position":0},"title":"One goose Mongoose","author":"David Raffin","date":"October 12, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"The duck billed the platypus three dollars and forty-seven cents. \"Cents? cents? Don't make no sense,\" said the irate duck billed platypus, waiving the bill in the air. \"You say it ain't fair?\" said the duck.\"I say it ain't square!\" said the platypus. It was quite a confrontation hanging in\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Writing"","block_context":{"text":"Writing","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3582,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/slice-of-life-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":2582,"position":1},"title":"Slice of life","author":"David Raffin","date":"August 27, 2024","format":false,"excerpt":"I asked the mathematician if there was a musical number. We went to four bars seeking a solution.I told the mathematician I had tried to enter a pie eating contest but I was told pie was only for winners.And so I asked the mathematician whether there was a musical number.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Writing"","block_context":{"text":"Writing","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/img_5258-1.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/img_5258-1.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/img_5258-1.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/img_5258-1.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/img_5258-1.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":2154,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/just-zep-on-in\/","url_meta":{"origin":2582,"position":2},"title":"Just Zep on in","author":"David Raffin","date":"February 5, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cAnd I am a great businessman,\u201d Zeppo said, really swinging the ladder. \u201cYou got that right. And funny. Say, did you know I catered my own wedding?\u201d \u201cHow\u2019d that come off?\u201d Carl said. \u201cI am pleased to say without a hitch,\u201d Zeppo said. \u201cServed animal crackers and duck soup. Didn\u2019t\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "My books"","block_context":{"text":"My books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/my-books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/upload.wikimedia.org\/wikipedia\/commons\/f\/f4\/Marx_Brothers_1931.jpg","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":862,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/sexism-arbitrary-ethnic-humor-and-science\/","url_meta":{"origin":2582,"position":3},"title":"Sexism, Arbitrary Ethnic Humor, and Science.","author":"David Raffin","date":"April 9, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Three men walk into a bar\u2026 At this point a lady asks me, \"Why men?\" And I say, \"It's a sexist joke.\" Three Swedes walk into a bar. It is full of leprechauns. It is the wrong bar. They are lost. \"Who is lost, the Swedes or the leprechauns?\" The\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Books"","block_context":{"text":"Books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/07\/1077593_10151504553277823_1904869306_o.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/07\/1077593_10151504553277823_1904869306_o.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/07\/1077593_10151504553277823_1904869306_o.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/07\/1077593_10151504553277823_1904869306_o.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":639,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/do-the-math-henry-rollins\/","url_meta":{"origin":2582,"position":4},"title":"DR extra: Do the Math, Henry Rollins","author":"David Raffin","date":"February 12, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"This is a demo for a radio program from about two years ago. Henry Rollins was not harmed during the recording of this show, nor was the Dalai Lama. Also, a song is sung. (MP3 at the end after the two bonus Dalai Lama stories. The audio is different than\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Books"","block_context":{"text":"Books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":799,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/john-cleeses-favorite-john-cleese-joke\/","url_meta":{"origin":2582,"position":5},"title":"John Cleese’s favorite John Cleese joke","author":"David Raffin","date":"November 28, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"John Cleese says the best joke he ever wrote was inadvertently cut out of the film Life of Brian due to \"camera angles.\" In the film Cleese's character says, \"There are two things you have to know about the meaning of life. The first is that people are not wearing\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Info"","block_context":{"text":"Info","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/info\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2582","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2582"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2582\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2689,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2582\/revisions\/2689"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2582"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2582"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2582"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}