{"id":2616,"date":"2021-04-10T02:17:42","date_gmt":"2021-04-10T09:17:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/i-robot-therapist\/"},"modified":"2021-04-10T02:17:42","modified_gmt":"2021-04-10T09:17:42","slug":"i-robot-therapist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/i-robot-therapist\/","title":{"rendered":"I, Robot Therapist."},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I am a robot analyst. I am afraid my programming was not specific about whether I analyze robots or whether I am a robot (which I am) (but that is beside the point) who analyzes humans. Thus I only say, \u201cHello, I am a robot analyst.\u201d And if I should analyze you, it\u2019s a hobby.
I have noticed I mostly analyze women. But that is because men never ask for help, choosing instead to self destruct. Oh I do not judge. I am off the clock.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"Very<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am a robot analyst. I am afraid my programming was not specific about whether I analyze robots or whether I am a robot (which I am) (but that is beside the point) who analyzes humans. Thus I only say, \u201cHello, I am a robot analyst.\u201d And if I should analyze you, it\u2019s a hobby.I have noticed I mostly analyze women. But that is because men never ask for help, choosing instead to self destruct. Oh I do not judge. I am off the clock.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[188,127,121,147,167,152,64],"class_list":["post-2616","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-writing","tag-fable","tag-fantasy","tag-fiction","tag-humor","tag-humour","tag-satire","tag-story"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3u13S-Gc","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":4439,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/robots-get-me-robots-always-get-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":2616,"position":0},"title":"Robots get me. Robots always get me.","author":"David Raffin","date":"May 26, 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"Robots can tell jokes faster, and therefore more efficiently, than any human could. Mostly this is because of the comedy sub processor. Unfortunately this part is not upgradable. \u202aWait. Hold on right there. Unless you are a robot I don\u2019t think you\u2019re allowed to weigh in on the robot uprising.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Writing"","block_context":{"text":"Writing","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1280,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/universal-robotics\/","url_meta":{"origin":2616,"position":1},"title":"Universal robotics","author":"David Raffin","date":"April 30, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u202a\"But I don't think I need to be reprogrammed,\" said the robot.\u202c\u202a\"That is exactly the kind of thing we all say when we need reprogrammed,\" said the robot doctor. \u202c \u202a\"That does not compute,\" said the robot.\u202c \u202a\"Hey, who's the robot doctor here?\" said the robot doctor. Then she laughed.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "My books"","block_context":{"text":"My books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/my-books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":324,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/after-the-singularity-you-will-look-nice\/","url_meta":{"origin":2616,"position":2},"title":"After the singularity, you will look nice","author":"David Raffin","date":"August 15, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"by David Raffin It was that time of the month and so there I was getting a haircut in my usual barbershop. I can hardly remember getting my hair cut by a person. No\u2013 today, like it or not, all barbers are robots. And I don\u2019t like it. And there\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Writing"","block_context":{"text":"Writing","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1734,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/idle-thoughts-save-energy-conscientiously\/","url_meta":{"origin":2616,"position":3},"title":"Idle thoughts save energy conscientiously","author":"David Raffin","date":"October 11, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"An apparition appeared and pointed its transparent finger toward me. It rasped. \u201cYou are in love with a ghost!\u201d I thanked it. I never argue or wrestle with apparitions; there is nothing to hold onto. Its occasional presence was doing me a service. After all, were it not for these\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "My books"","block_context":{"text":"My books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/my-books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/11139197046_76282e29e2_o-1.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/11139197046_76282e29e2_o-1.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/11139197046_76282e29e2_o-1.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/11139197046_76282e29e2_o-1.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/11139197046_76282e29e2_o-1.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1051,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/motives-and-motifs\/","url_meta":{"origin":2616,"position":4},"title":"Motives and motifs","author":"David Raffin","date":"June 18, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"In my upcoming\u00a0release \"At the Existential Sandwich Shop,\" like the previous \"Perils of Free Thought,\" I talk intermittently of bears and robots. That is because I am a robot bear. Thank you in advance for your understanding. There is also a reoccurring motif of baloons. \u00a0","rel":"","context":"In "Books"","block_context":{"text":"Books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/Screen-Shot-2015-06-17-at-4.49.29-AM.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":434,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/a-haircut-story\/","url_meta":{"origin":2616,"position":5},"title":"A haircut story","author":"David Raffin","date":"October 18, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"A few years ago I got a haircut at a home salon which advertised with a homemade sign planted at the side of the driveway. I was sat in the chair and prepped. She started cutting. Within seconds she attempted small talk. \"So, you have a girlfriend?\" \"No,\" I said.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Personal"","block_context":{"text":"Personal","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/writing\/personal\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2616","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2616"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2616\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2616"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2616"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2616"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}