{"id":2756,"date":"2022-01-06T10:55:40","date_gmt":"2022-01-06T18:55:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/check-please-my-hat-my-darling\/"},"modified":"2022-01-06T10:55:40","modified_gmt":"2022-01-06T18:55:40","slug":"check-please-my-hat-my-darling","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/check-please-my-hat-my-darling\/","title":{"rendered":"Check please, my hat, my darling"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I need a magicians assistant because the last one disappeared.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am writing a movie about a man and a woman who try to make it in a revitalized vaudeville as a ventriloquist and ventriloquists assistant. Hope I\u2019m not just up my own ass here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hello 911? The magicians assistant just swallowed a sword. He is asking if anyone is a doctor in the house. Oh never mind he\u2019s telling a joke. I don\u2019t think the timing is appropriate necessarily.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I mean the crowd is full of lawyers. Here to observe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The ventriloquists assistant won\u2019t cross the picket line of the magicians assistants. And that\u2019s how the ventriloquists assistants were made to disappear by the magicians, bypassing the magicians assistant, who was nowhere to be seen. Had been informally replaced. A grievance was filed.
And now the ventriloquist has a lovely assistant.

I had a ventriloquist dummy but it was a mute. I try not to judge but it was dressed as a prisoner. It used to pass me notes through the bar. That is how I cheated on my legal certification. I\u2019m certain. The things that dummy\u2019s note said couldn\u2019t be repeated. Certainly not by him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most ventriloquist dummies are not good listeners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was lucky in this regard, and was able to drink a glass of water in peace. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
Satiating my terrible thirst for justice <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I need a magicians assistant because the last one disappeared. I am writing a movie about a man and a woman who try to make it in a revitalized vaudeville as a ventriloquist and ventriloquists assistant. Hope I\u2019m not just up my own ass here. Hello 911? The magicians assistant just swallowed a sword. He is asking if anyone is a doctor in the house. Oh never mind he\u2019s telling a joke. I don\u2019t think the timing is appropriate necessarily. I mean the crowd is full of lawyers. Here to observe. The ventriloquists assistant won\u2019t cross the picket line of...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[188,127,121,147,167,64],"class_list":["post-2756","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-writing","tag-fable","tag-fantasy","tag-fiction","tag-humor","tag-humour","tag-story"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3u13S-Is","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3021,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/dummy-up-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":2756,"position":0},"title":"Dummy up","author":"David Raffin","date":"April 7, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"The ventriloquist assistant has lodged a formal complaint regarding the placement of the ventriloquists hand. Further, don\u2019t put words in my mouth.","rel":"","context":"In "Writing"","block_context":{"text":"Writing","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2766,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/poem-for-tuesday-on-friday-on-xmas-in-jan\/","url_meta":{"origin":2756,"position":1},"title":"Poem for Tuesday on Friday on Xmas in Jan.","author":"David Raffin","date":"January 21, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"There are no dummies here began the speech by the ventriloquist assistant which was to be given at a convention of like-minded individuals from his profession. What they called them cannot be printed in the official ventriloquist assistant monthly. He wadded the paper up. There was this voice. A voice\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Writing"","block_context":{"text":"Writing","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/img_0002.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/img_0002.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/img_0002.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/img_0002.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":857,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/old-mr-block\/","url_meta":{"origin":2756,"position":2},"title":"Old Mr. Block","author":"David Raffin","date":"April 3, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"In the folklore of the IWW Mr. Block is a man who never does anything right. He stands up for all the wrong things and is disappointed with the outcomes. When I was in the seventh grade Mr. Block was my woodshop teacher. Not only was he Mr. Block because\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Personal"","block_context":{"text":"Personal","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/writing\/personal\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/primitiveentertainment.files.wordpress.com\/2015\/03\/wpid-150329_154223.png?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":654,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/your-swedish-ancestry\/","url_meta":{"origin":2756,"position":3},"title":"Your Swedish Ancestry","author":"David Raffin","date":"March 19, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"You, like many others, have doubtlessly spent long sleepless nights wondering, \"Am I a Swede?\" Now it is possible for you to realize your full family history- from It's humble beginnings in a young Swede named Leif Haagstrom to your distant cousin of today, the new Deputy Undersecretary to the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Writing"","block_context":{"text":"Writing","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1206,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/a-guide-to-personal-style-and-voyeurism\/","url_meta":{"origin":2756,"position":4},"title":"A guide to personal style and voyeurism\u00a0","author":"David Raffin","date":"May 29, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Johnny Cash- I shot a man in Reno. Philip K Dick - In Reno I shot a man.","rel":"","context":"In "Books"","block_context":{"text":"Books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/img_2602.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/img_2602.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/img_2602.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/img_2602.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/img_2602.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/img_2602.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":644,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/the-spectacle-of-modernity-mimes\/","url_meta":{"origin":2756,"position":5},"title":"The Spectacle of Modernity & Mimes","author":"David Raffin","date":"February 16, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"AKA: The Disquieting. A few years old but never before released. Read just after the writing at a small gathering on Halloween. This story will be in my upcoming book of shorts \"Tragic Stories Disguised as Jokes.\" https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=9s33iNo2_VQ \u00a0","rel":"","context":"In "Books"","block_context":{"text":"Books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/img.youtube.com\/vi\/9s33iNo2_VQ\/0.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2756","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2756"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2756\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2756"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2756"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2756"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}