{"id":2890,"date":"2022-05-16T14:53:43","date_gmt":"2022-05-16T21:53:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/screaming-for-a-love-bite\/"},"modified":"2022-05-16T14:53:43","modified_gmt":"2022-05-16T21:53:43","slug":"screaming-for-a-love-bite","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/screaming-for-a-love-bite\/","title":{"rendered":"Screaming for a Love-Bite"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>A waffle sat on the grill a long time. Couldn\u2019t decide which way to turn. So turned crispy. This isn\u2019t the end of a sad story. It was worked into the shape of a cone. Which was its burial preference. And ice cream was placed atop. Ceremonially.<br \/>And we sing the birthday song. Now.<br \/>And then this kid. Who got drug here because he\u2019s \u201ctoo old for birthdays.\u201d Grimaced and looked at the cone. An ungrateful child of 12. 2 good for sprinkles. That was the waffle\u2019s name. I know it don\u2019t add up. It\u2019s a cold ending. But I like 2 think it has some of the ol&#8217; 1-2 punch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I am new to transcribing my dreams and could use all the help I can get, said the Emperor of ice cream.<br \/>So it\u2019s a dream job, the kid said.<br \/>He\u2019s a smart kid, said the emperor.<br \/>Thanks, said the smart kid.<br \/>I don\u2019t like smart kids. Said the emperor.<br \/>Cut down by standards and practices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The absolute ruler of the kingdom of mathematics is the imperial ruler. Who is diametrically opposed to any alternative mathematical measuring system. Which shall go Un-named. Because they are incompatible. To the system.<br \/>The rebellion was a revolting situation.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A waffle sat on the grill a long time. Couldn\u2019t decide which way to turn. So turned crispy. This isn\u2019t the end of a sad story. It was worked into the shape of a cone. Which was its burial preference. And ice cream was placed atop. Ceremonially.And we sing the birthday song. Now.And then this kid. Who got drug here because he\u2019s \u201ctoo old for birthdays.\u201d Grimaced and looked at the cone. An ungrateful child of 12. 2 good for sprinkles. That was the waffle\u2019s name. I know it don\u2019t add up. It\u2019s a cold ending. But I like 2&#46;&#46;&#46;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[184,188,127,121,147,167,152,64],"class_list":["post-2890","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-writing","tag-absurdist","tag-fable","tag-fantasy","tag-fiction","tag-humor","tag-humour","tag-satire","tag-story"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3u13S-KC","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3193,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/the-pits-of-piper\/","url_meta":{"origin":2890,"position":0},"title":"The Pits of Piper","author":"David Raffin","date":"November 3, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"Rowdy Roddy Piper came to my high school world problems class. He was presented as a small business owner. He owned some car lubrication facilities. Pipers pit. I am not sure if they knew he was a wrestler. He gave a blustery wrestling speech about world problems. In it he\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Writing&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Writing","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":127,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/scenic-cesspools\/","url_meta":{"origin":2890,"position":1},"title":"Scenic Cesspools","author":"David Raffin","date":"May 15, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"My book \"Scenic Cesspools & other indignities\" came out May 1. Scenic Cesspools is a tragi-comedy about work. With just enough time travel. And a bucket of grease which has something to do with free will. Possibly everything. Scenic Cesspools\u00a0is the story of a kid who is pulled into his\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Books&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Scenic Cesspools","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/05\/SCcover-197x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4162,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/hard-times-grade-8\/","url_meta":{"origin":2890,"position":2},"title":"Hard times grade 8","author":"David Raffin","date":"October 6, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"Something was up. In class. Civil war week. There was a sub and that meant days of watching civil war movies on a television wheeled into class. A few minutes of fine tuning and then the lights go out. We sit together in the darkened room as brother fights brother.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Writing&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Writing","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3191,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/the-lake\/","url_meta":{"origin":2890,"position":3},"title":"The Lake","author":"David Raffin","date":"November 3, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"When I went to high school students who drove to school parked in the student parking lot, which was about 30% pickup trucks with gun racks. This lot was also known as the lake or the swamp because it flooded severely and put the cars and trucks underwater. I knew\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Writing&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Writing","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/11009864594_4852f7294e_o-150x150.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/11009864594_4852f7294e_o-150x150.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/11009864594_4852f7294e_o-150x150.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/11009864594_4852f7294e_o-150x150.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1177,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/actually-scalia-was-a-petulant-ass\/","url_meta":{"origin":2890,"position":4},"title":"Actually, Scalia was a petulant ass","author":"David Raffin","date":"February 14, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"It is not necessary to say nice things about public figures when they die. In the case of Supreme Court Justice Scalia, he is perhaps best remembered as the judge who said \"a claim of factual innocence is not a legal claim\" in denying a hearing in a death penalty\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Info&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Info","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/info\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1029,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/hitler-brand-ice-cream\/","url_meta":{"origin":2890,"position":5},"title":"Hitler brand ice cream","author":"David Raffin","date":"June 6, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"In India they have Hitler ice cream. The business\u00a0professor came into class, sat his books down and stared at his students. He waited a few moments, then said, in a loud and clear voice, \"The first rule in\u00a0business\u00a0is never name your product line after Hitler.\" One of the students was\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Info&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Info","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/info\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Hitler tips his hat, angrily ","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/IMG_1346-300x203.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2890","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2890"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2890\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2890"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2890"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2890"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}