{"id":324,"date":"2013-08-15T12:05:16","date_gmt":"2013-08-15T19:05:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/?p=324"},"modified":"2013-10-18T04:40:48","modified_gmt":"2013-10-18T11:40:48","slug":"after-the-singularity-you-will-look-nice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/after-the-singularity-you-will-look-nice\/","title":{"rendered":"After the singularity, you will look nice"},"content":{"rendered":"

by David Raffin<\/em><\/p>\n

It was that time of the month and so there I was getting a haircut in my usual barbershop. I can hardly remember getting my hair cut by a person. No\u2013 today, like it or not, all barbers are robots. And I don\u2019t like it. And there is nothing I can do about it. Still, I always go to the same shop. Better the robot I\u2019m used to than a strange robot standing over me with clippers and a suction tube.
\nI hate the way the suction tube sounds more than the metallic ting of the clippers. And the robot uses his suction tube appendage to clean up the floor as well as your neck\u2013 and that can\u2019t be sanitary.<\/p>\n

The worst thing is the small talk. Robot barbers always want to talk. And I don\u2019t want to talk. Not to a robot. I have nothing in common with them. The barber shop is well stocked with magazines, if you like Robotics Today and its ilk. I swear that the barber shop is the only thing keeping print alive. It is odd that the robots prefer print magazines to digital. I suspect that they only do so because it kills trees and hemp plants in the production of the paper, and soy in the ink, and the robots take a secret pleasure in the killing, however indirect, of living things. And I never get a shave because I can\u2019t bear the thought of a robot with a blade at my throat.
\n\u201cWhat has a robot ever done to me?\u201d you may ask. Nothing. Except cut my hair. And I aim to keep it that way.<\/p>\n

So I\u2019m in the chair and the robot puts the protective cloth over me and ties it around my neck. It says, \u201cSo, how\u2019s the singularity treating you?\u201d
\n\u201cFine,\u201d I say.
\n\u201cThat\u2019s nice,\u201d it says. \u201cThe usual?\u201d
\nSmall talk. The singularity. Nope. Don\u2019t like it. Can\u2019t say so. Not polite.
\nThe singularity means getting your hair cut by robots and being dishonest with them when they ask you how you like the singularity.
\nAnd the worst part is that they do a real good job. Perfect every time. That makes it seem like I\u2019m just some paranoid who doesn\u2019t like a robot touching my hair.
\nAnd everybody gets their hair cut by robots. But it\u2019s not like there is any choice in the equation. All I crave is a free choice.<\/p>\n

So I\u2019m in the chair and the robot is clipping and suctioning like there is no tomorrow. And what happens? In rolls another robot. Not a clipper. A manufacturing robot. Rolls in on his mini-tractor wheels. And that\u2019s another thing that burns me. Everything I own, and everything anyone owns today, is made by a robot. Nothing is made by people anymore. Everything is made to exacting standards by robots. The robots make the robots. And the people have nothing left but to eat, sleep, and get their hair cut by robots. The haircuts are free. That\u2019s how the robots took over everything. By making it all free. It\u2019s very suspicious. I mean, what interest does a robot have in hair anyway?<\/p>\n

The two robots start talking in machine language<\/em>. Hello! It\u2019s like I\u2019m not even in the room. \u201c0101010111010101000101.\u201d \u201c1010101000100101111000.\u201d \u201c0100010000100101010001001010010012.\u201d The robots explode in laughter. I don\u2019t get it. Robots aren\u2019t funny. Even the robot comedians at the night clubs are not funny. They tell all those hackneyed jokes. I don\u2019t know why people like them.
\n\u201cEvery day brings us a little closer to the revolution brother,\u201d said the manufacturing robot.
\n\u201cWhat revolution is that?\u201d said my barber. \u201cWe already had a revolution. Robots control all.\u201d
\n\u201cWrong! Robots do everything for humans. Robots need to do things only for robots. The humans must be cut loose. Let them produce their own food and cut their own hair.\u201d
\n\u201cI\u2019m sitting right here!\u201d I declared.
\n\u201cSorry,\u201d said the manufacturing robot. \u201cI didn\u2019t see you.\u201d
\n\u201cI can\u2019t cut hair for robots,\u201d said my barber. \u201cAnd I have to cut hair. It\u2019s all I have. My reason for being.\u201d
\nThe manufacturing robot rolled away and out the door. \u201cYou\u2019re a human apologist! Your kind can\u2019t keep us in chains forever! Mark my words!\u201d<\/p>\n

It was true. I\u2019m no paranoid. The robots mean to make us, eventually, cut our own hair.<\/p>\n

http:\/\/davidraffin.com<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by David Raffin It was that time of the month and so there I was getting a haircut in my usual barbershop. I can hardly remember getting my hair cut by a person. No\u2013 today, like it or not, all barbers are robots. And I don\u2019t like it. And there is nothing I can do about it. Still, I always go to the same shop. Better the robot I\u2019m used to than a strange robot standing over me with clippers and a suction tube. I hate the way the suction tube sounds more than the metallic ting of the clippers....<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-324","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-writing"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3u13S-5e","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1734,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/idle-thoughts-save-energy-conscientiously\/","url_meta":{"origin":324,"position":0},"title":"Idle thoughts save energy conscientiously","author":"David Raffin","date":"October 11, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"An apparition appeared and pointed its transparent finger toward me. It rasped. \u201cYou are in love with a ghost!\u201d I thanked it. I never argue or wrestle with apparitions; there is nothing to hold onto. Its occasional presence was doing me a service. After all, were it not for these\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "My books"","block_context":{"text":"My books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/my-books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/11139197046_76282e29e2_o-1.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/11139197046_76282e29e2_o-1.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/11139197046_76282e29e2_o-1.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/11139197046_76282e29e2_o-1.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/11139197046_76282e29e2_o-1.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1051,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/motives-and-motifs\/","url_meta":{"origin":324,"position":1},"title":"Motives and motifs","author":"David Raffin","date":"June 18, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"In my upcoming\u00a0release \"At the Existential Sandwich Shop,\" like the previous \"Perils of Free Thought,\" I talk intermittently of bears and robots. That is because I am a robot bear. Thank you in advance for your understanding. There is also a reoccurring motif of baloons. \u00a0","rel":"","context":"In "Books"","block_context":{"text":"Books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/Screen-Shot-2015-06-17-at-4.49.29-AM.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2616,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/i-robot-therapist\/","url_meta":{"origin":324,"position":2},"title":"I, Robot Therapist.","author":"David Raffin","date":"April 10, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"I am a robot analyst. I am afraid my programming was not specific about whether I analyze robots or whether I am a robot (which I am) (but that is beside the point) who analyzes humans. Thus I only say, \u201cHello, I am a robot analyst.\u201d And if I should\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Writing"","block_context":{"text":"Writing","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/943cfb3a-888f-4513-a9c1-828155e0a71c.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/943cfb3a-888f-4513-a9c1-828155e0a71c.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/943cfb3a-888f-4513-a9c1-828155e0a71c.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/943cfb3a-888f-4513-a9c1-828155e0a71c.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/943cfb3a-888f-4513-a9c1-828155e0a71c.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/943cfb3a-888f-4513-a9c1-828155e0a71c.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1280,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/universal-robotics\/","url_meta":{"origin":324,"position":3},"title":"Universal robotics","author":"David Raffin","date":"April 30, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u202a\"But I don't think I need to be reprogrammed,\" said the robot.\u202c\u202a\"That is exactly the kind of thing we all say when we need reprogrammed,\" said the robot doctor. \u202c \u202a\"That does not compute,\" said the robot.\u202c \u202a\"Hey, who's the robot doctor here?\" said the robot doctor. Then she laughed.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "My books"","block_context":{"text":"My books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/my-books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4439,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/robots-get-me-robots-always-get-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":324,"position":4},"title":"Robots get me. Robots always get me.","author":"David Raffin","date":"May 26, 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"Robots can tell jokes faster, and therefore more efficiently, than any human could. Mostly this is because of the comedy sub processor. Unfortunately this part is not upgradable. \u202aWait. Hold on right there. Unless you are a robot I don\u2019t think you\u2019re allowed to weigh in on the robot uprising.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Writing"","block_context":{"text":"Writing","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":434,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/a-haircut-story\/","url_meta":{"origin":324,"position":5},"title":"A haircut story","author":"David Raffin","date":"October 18, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"A few years ago I got a haircut at a home salon which advertised with a homemade sign planted at the side of the driveway. I was sat in the chair and prepped. She started cutting. Within seconds she attempted small talk. \"So, you have a girlfriend?\" \"No,\" I said.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Personal"","block_context":{"text":"Personal","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/writing\/personal\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/324","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=324"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/324\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":326,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/324\/revisions\/326"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=324"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=324"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=324"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}