The duck billed the platypus three dollars and forty-seven cents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Cents? cents? Don’t make no sense,” said the irate duck billed platypus, waiving the bill in the air.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“You say it ain’t fair?” said the duck.
“I say it ain’t square!” said the platypus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was quite a confrontation hanging in the air.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now, the duck billed platypus, he was no fool. He had done and gone to finishing school. He knew what was what, and the meaning of is, he was not new to this turnip truck biz.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“If you don’t like it,” said the duck to his prey, “why don’t you just up and fly away?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Mayhaps I will,” said the platypus. “Mayhaps I will.”
Because the duck billed platypus had finally had his fill. Of the duck and his quack, of the thumb and it’s tack, and he was not prepared to say when he would be back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Now see here,” said the duck, but the platypus didn’t hear quack. He had flown to New Zealand, Jack.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Duck double billed the platypus over a plate of flapjacks. It was a society flap. The stoolpigeons saw to that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A man came into a bar. It was dark inside because the proprietor had failed to pay the bill. Coincidentally, the proprietor was a duck. The bar was called \u201cthe duck billed platypus\u201c which was often a point of confusion. But what\u2019s in a name, anyway?\u201d the proprietor quacked. Just a moniker. Quoth the Raven, \u201cnevermore!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo one asked you,\u201c said the duck.
Then the raven lobbed a projectile toward the duck. Who failed to duck. And was thusly taken out in an untimely manner.
The projectile was a cuckoo clock which had stopped.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Even though it had stopped it made quite an impact upon the duck, effecting the disposition of the bill.
Even a stopped clock is right twice a day regardless of the impact upon the bill.
Hospitality isn\u2019t all it\u2019s quacked up to be.
Remember to duck when the time comes because time flies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Wherever one can find a goose one can find two ducks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cJust got out of the chuckle hutch,\u201d said the duck. \u201cWhat did I miss?\u201d
\u201c10 whistles are made of 10,\u201d said the duckbilled platypus, still angry about the sum. No quantitative easing. For sneezing.
Quacks, said the duck.
Quacks, said the duckbilled platypus.
\u201cDon\u2019t make me laugh,\u201d said the duck. \u201cIt\u2019s too soon.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After we seize the means of production we’ll set all those duck statuettes free. No more to be lined up in neat little rows, no more ducks placed in order wading on duck row. All the duck statuettes fly away home, wherever those good eggs may nest. On the corner of wild and sycamore street, or a mantle if that’s what the duck thinks best.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And so I asked the mathematician how to slice a pie. And she said she wasn\u2019t into division. Then our pies did multiply. At this point we were up to our ears in pie. And we were in arrears on pie. And that\u2019s a sweet conundrum no matter how you slice it. We ducked out on the bill.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The duck billed the platypus three dollars and forty-seven cents. “Cents? cents? Don’t make no sense,” said the irate duck billed platypus, waiving the bill in the air. “You say it ain’t fair?” said the duck.“I say it ain’t square!” said the platypus. It was quite a confrontation hanging in the air. Now, the duck billed platypus, he was no fool. He had done and gone to finishing school. He knew what was what, and the meaning of is, he was not new to this turnip truck biz. “If you don’t like it,” said the duck to his prey, “why...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4181","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-writing"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3u13S-15r","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2582,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/duck-down-quack-up-peeking-duck\/","url_meta":{"origin":4181,"position":0},"title":"Duck Down, Quack Up, peeking duck","author":"David Raffin","date":"March 2, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Duck Calls? We have answers. On the record. DUCK DUCK DOWN Two men walk into a bar. It is at this point in the joke\u00a0 a spectator stands UP from the crowd, having seen something and wishing to report, and says\u00a0: \u201cWhy are they men?\u201c And the Comedian says, \u201cI\u2019m\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Podcast"","block_context":{"text":"Podcast","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/podcast\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3582,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/slice-of-life-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":4181,"position":1},"title":"Slice of life","author":"David Raffin","date":"August 27, 2024","format":false,"excerpt":"I asked the mathematician if there was a musical number. We went to four bars seeking a solution.I told the mathematician I had tried to enter a pie eating contest but I was told pie was only for winners.And so I asked the mathematician whether there was a musical number.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Writing"","block_context":{"text":"Writing","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/img_5258-1.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/img_5258-1.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/img_5258-1.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/img_5258-1.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/img_5258-1.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":2154,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/just-zep-on-in\/","url_meta":{"origin":4181,"position":2},"title":"Just Zep on in","author":"David Raffin","date":"February 5, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cAnd I am a great businessman,\u201d Zeppo said, really swinging the ladder. \u201cYou got that right. And funny. Say, did you know I catered my own wedding?\u201d \u201cHow\u2019d that come off?\u201d Carl said. \u201cI am pleased to say without a hitch,\u201d Zeppo said. \u201cServed animal crackers and duck soup. Didn\u2019t\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "My books"","block_context":{"text":"My books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/my-books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/upload.wikimedia.org\/wikipedia\/commons\/f\/f4\/Marx_Brothers_1931.jpg","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1940,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/two-views-of-the-freakshow\/","url_meta":{"origin":4181,"position":3},"title":"Two Views of the FreakShow","author":"David Raffin","date":"May 18, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"It was a dusty, blow away town. The crowds here were larger than otherwise, since people here had nowhere else to be. Nowhere they wanted to be otherwise. Surely this was encouraged by the entrance fee, reduced to a scant two bits, cheaper, brother, than the run down movie \u201cpalace\u201d\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Books"","block_context":{"text":"Books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/IMG_6666.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/IMG_6666.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/IMG_6666.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/IMG_6666.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/IMG_6666.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":639,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/do-the-math-henry-rollins\/","url_meta":{"origin":4181,"position":4},"title":"DR extra: Do the Math, Henry Rollins","author":"David Raffin","date":"February 12, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"This is a demo for a radio program from about two years ago. Henry Rollins was not harmed during the recording of this show, nor was the Dalai Lama. Also, a song is sung. (MP3 at the end after the two bonus Dalai Lama stories. The audio is different than\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Books"","block_context":{"text":"Books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2662,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/give-me-a-ring-sometime-whydontcha\/","url_meta":{"origin":4181,"position":5},"title":"Give Me a Ring Sometime, Whydontcha?","author":"David Raffin","date":"May 15, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Got married once at the 24 HOUR CHURCH of ELVIS. A coin operated operation. Store Front. Up the Alley.Rings provided, nestled in a little plastic egg, vending machine trinket, were 100% cheap plastic. 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