A hand cart full of hands would be handy if not dandy I would never hand such out on a Halloween night instead of candy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“All hands on deck!” Shouted the ship captain. What happened next was both predictable and unexpected. And horrible. Horrible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The reason I can get away with telling severed hand jokes is that I am handy-capable. I’ve got it well in hand. Around here somewhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Back in the brutal past, a relay race was a handoff.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The one armed pianist asked if you would please give him a hand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The one armed bandit never applauds when someone wins.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The unarmed bandit had a handsome sidekick.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
His side line was in manufacturing side cars for the left-handed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Things are all going to hell in a hand cart. Which is a cart full of hands, swept up from the deck of a ship where all hands were on deck, granted to an unarmed man and his handsome sidekick, The one armed bandit who must hold the applause.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I will not surrender to the beat. I wish to speak to my attorney, Dr. Rock, attorney at law, who is also my physician. I hand it to him. But he gave me the finger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I went to the club but I was dismembered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The love triangle
The Piano Roll made a clean break and got away. It stole the keys, you see. It didn’t do it alone. It had musical accompaniment. Despite what you’ve heard, there are no one-man bands.
The Piano Roll was found, amid the bales of hay, with a Dinner Roll, whom it found sweet. There was dinner and music until the cows came home. Then it was the same, but with more cowbell. Dingaling!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am made of various kinds of sauces, none of which are available commercially, which, when added together, a kind of alchemist\u2019s elixir, this is referred to “on the street” as, yes, “Awesome Sauce.” But that is not its official name.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hands off. Buddy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A hand cart full of hands would be handy if not dandy I would never hand such out on a Halloween night instead of candy. “All hands on deck!” Shouted the ship captain. What happened next was both predictable and unexpected. And horrible. Horrible. The reason I can get away with telling severed hand jokes is that I am handy-capable. I’ve got it well in hand. Around here somewhere. Back in the brutal past, a relay race was a handoff. The one armed pianist asked if you would please give him a hand. The one armed bandit never applauds when...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"Hand it to me, I\u2019ll hand it to you","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4444","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-writing"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3u13S-19G","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":483,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/mud-in-your-eye-here\/","url_meta":{"origin":4444,"position":0},"title":"Mud in your eye, here","author":"David Raffin","date":"December 1, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"The \u2018Mud in your eye bandit\u2019 always screamed \"Here's mud in your eye!\" before actually throwing mud in your eye. 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Note the exquisite visuals in both of these selections. https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=g0X6k3dzlYk https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=UwUxnCEIXRc \u00a0","rel":"","context":"In "Links"","block_context":{"text":"Links","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/info\/links\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/img.youtube.com\/vi\/g0X6k3dzlYk\/0.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2159,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/newsletter-more-than-true\/","url_meta":{"origin":4444,"position":5},"title":"Newsletter, More Than True","author":"David Raffin","date":"February 7, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"A newsletter for you. PDF. V.1 Iss. 1. Words! Words! Words! Feel free to print a few copies and hand them out. 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