I am ashamed that we used chemical weapons in the war on Christmas. First we used laughing gas\u2013then we used crying gas\u2013then we used laughing gas\u2013 then we used crying gas\u2026 In the end, people didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Join the bear of the month club. Get a bear delivered to your door every month. December is grizzly.
\nThey’re good bears. A little cranky. But that’s just because they’re hungry.
\nBears have pretty simple rules about eye contact. Reasonable, even.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I am ashamed that we used chemical weapons in the war on Christmas. First we used laughing gas\u2013then we used crying gas\u2013then we used laughing gas\u2013 then we used crying gas\u2026 In the end, people didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. *** Join the bear of the month club. Get a bear delivered to your door every month. December is grizzly. They’re good bears. A little cranky. But that’s just because they’re hungry. Bears have pretty simple rules about eye contact. Reasonable, even. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"bear of the month","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[12,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-498","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-my-books","category-writing"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3u13S-82","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1239,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/bear-all\/","url_meta":{"origin":498,"position":0},"title":"Bear all","author":"David Raffin","date":"July 16, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"The bear ate a pear You think, how debonair But she wanted the eclair Which was already eaten in a picnick-error By a picnicker who was an au pair But tasted like an upholstered chair So the bear followed up by eating a pear And slept that night without a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "My books"","block_context":{"text":"My books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/my-books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/07\/1077593_10151504553277823_1904869306_o.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/07\/1077593_10151504553277823_1904869306_o.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/07\/1077593_10151504553277823_1904869306_o.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/07\/1077593_10151504553277823_1904869306_o.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":652,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/hes-not-a-bear-doctor\/","url_meta":{"origin":498,"position":1},"title":"He’s not a bear doctor","author":"David Raffin","date":"March 15, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Doctor: This is really quite serious. Your anxiety is now causing physical symptoms. Me: I see. Will it break free all those emotions I jailed inside a cardboard box all those years ago? Doctor: Perhaps. Wait, you did what? Me: Confined all my emotions to a cardboard box and taped\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "My books"","block_context":{"text":"My books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/my-books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1051,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/motives-and-motifs\/","url_meta":{"origin":498,"position":2},"title":"Motives and motifs","author":"David Raffin","date":"June 18, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"In my upcoming\u00a0release \"At the Existential Sandwich Shop,\" like the previous \"Perils of Free Thought,\" I talk intermittently of bears and robots. That is because I am a robot bear. Thank you in advance for your understanding. There is also a reoccurring motif of baloons. \u00a0","rel":"","context":"In "Books"","block_context":{"text":"Books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/Screen-Shot-2015-06-17-at-4.49.29-AM.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2025,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/a-tragedy-of-the-circus\/","url_meta":{"origin":498,"position":3},"title":"Aghast in three rings","author":"David Raffin","date":"November 22, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Take me to the circus Where the devils dare To balance at the precipice Up there in mid-air Sitting like a thinker Ass upon a chair Did I leave the stove on? The devil's mind declared. Below the clown was crying Nose up sniffing in the air Now the daredevil\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Writing"","block_context":{"text":"Writing","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/clowns.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/clowns.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/clowns.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/clowns.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/clowns.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/clowns.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":212,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/portlands-communist-bench\/","url_meta":{"origin":498,"position":4},"title":"Portland’s communist bench","author":"David Raffin","date":"July 9, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Disclaimer: This article is about a communist plot. Recently in Portland, OR I waited in line to sit on the communist bench. The bench is so popular, at least it was that day, \u00a0I waited an hour and the \u00a0man on it never left. He sat there, reading a newspaper,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Books"","block_context":{"text":"Books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"John Reed Bench, Portland, OR","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/07\/IMG_0285-1024x576.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":862,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/sexism-arbitrary-ethnic-humor-and-science\/","url_meta":{"origin":498,"position":5},"title":"Sexism, Arbitrary Ethnic Humor, and Science.","author":"David Raffin","date":"April 9, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Three men walk into a bar\u2026 At this point a lady asks me, \"Why men?\" And I say, \"It's a sexist joke.\" Three Swedes walk into a bar. It is full of leprechauns. It is the wrong bar. They are lost. \"Who is lost, the Swedes or the leprechauns?\" The\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Books"","block_context":{"text":"Books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/07\/1077593_10151504553277823_1904869306_o.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/07\/1077593_10151504553277823_1904869306_o.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/07\/1077593_10151504553277823_1904869306_o.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/07\/1077593_10151504553277823_1904869306_o.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/498","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=498"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/498\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":499,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/498\/revisions\/499"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=498"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=498"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=498"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}