{"id":639,"date":"2014-02-12T16:54:09","date_gmt":"2014-02-13T00:54:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/?p=639"},"modified":"2015-04-19T20:21:31","modified_gmt":"2015-04-20T03:21:31","slug":"do-the-math-henry-rollins","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/do-the-math-henry-rollins\/","title":{"rendered":"DR extra: Do the Math, Henry Rollins"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Play\"<\/a><\/div>\n

Podcast: Play in new window<\/a> | Download<\/a> (Duration: 40:39 — 18.7MB)<\/p>

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts<\/a> | Amazon Music<\/a> | Android<\/a> | iHeartRadio<\/a> | Email<\/a> | TuneIn<\/a> | RSS<\/a> | More<\/a><\/p>

This is a demo for a radio program from about two years ago.
\nHenry Rollins was not harmed during the recording of this show, nor was the Dalai Lama.
\nAlso, a song is sung.
\n(MP3 at the end after the two bonus Dalai Lama stories. The audio is different than the stories.)<\/p>\n

Post Papal Nirvana Blues<\/strong>
\nby David Raffin
\ndavidraffin.com<\/em><\/p>\n

Is a retired Pope \u201cPope\u201d or \u201cex-Pope”?
\nThe Pope\u2019s a quitter. \u2028Remember, the Dalai Lama retired. So he could move to Florida. Learn to meditate. \u2028Roomies? Sitcom?<\/p>\n

The Pope & Dalai Lama living together in Florida sitcom will be called \u201cPost Papal Nirvana Blues.\u201d
\nIn the sitcom, when the Pope enters the apartment he will always forget to duck and his hat will nearly be knocked off.
\nAt the end of the pilot episode the Pope will shrug his shoulders and say, \u201cSo I\u2019m not infallible.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sparks fly when the Dalai Lama has a lady over and she starts a fight over doctrine. The Pope refuses his blessing. Also, noisy neighbor.
\nThe Dalai Lama\u2019s catch phrase is, \u201cI\u2019m trying to reach Nirvana here!\u201d Also, he surfs. It makes the Pope nervous. He worries.
\nIn one episode the Pope, the Dalai Lama, and a Rabbi walk into a bar. It\u2019s a three parter. Same story, three points of view.<\/p>\n

Please mail me my Emmy. I\u2019m playing clarinet the night of the awards. For the first time.
\n\u201cPost Papal Nirvana Blues\u201d stars Artie Lange as the Pope, Tommy Chong as the Dalai Lama, and Gilbert Gottfried as himself.
\n\u2014\u2028 My Rom-Com will be about a sous chef who falls in love with a head chef and complications that ensue. It will be titled \u201cWhisk You Away!\u201d Delivered entirely in Dr. Seuss style verse. Also stars Gilbert Gottfried.<\/p>\n

New Dalai Lama, same as the old Dalai Lama <\/strong>
\nby David Raffin
\ndavidraffin.com<\/em><\/p>\n

The Dalai Lama is retiring. He’ll likely move to Florida. What will he do with his time? Same as anybody, relax, learn to meditate.<\/p>\n

When the Dalai Lama retires to Florida I fear that he will not be able to relax. He will always have followers standing over him inquiring about his impending passing and subsequent rebirth. They\u2019ll lean over and say, \u201cWhen will you die? Soon? We need a new Dalai Lama. Could you hurry, please?\u201d<\/p>\n

Being the Dalai Lama is a strange thing, a never ending job. In order for there to be a new Dalai Lama, the old Dalai Lama must die. Then he will be reincarnated and resume leadership as the new Dalai Lama. New. Not improved. The Dalai Lama, being an awakened one, is done improving. Meet the new Dalai Lama, same as the old one. Only the packaging changes. The package change is done in the old, traditional way and does not include the input of focus groups. The old Dalai Lama has warned the Chinese government of this, because they are new to the game of marketing and are eager.
\nAlso, you can\u2019t aspire to be the next Dalai Lama. The old Dalai Lama, and I mean the really old one, the first, is monopolizing the position. There is no upward mobility. It is a static system. Sure, you can become enlightened, but you can\u2019t become the Dalai Lama. Parents don\u2019t tell their children they can become the Dalai Lama if they just work hard enough at it. But they could become a Lama.<\/p>\n

My favorite Dali Llama is the painting of a Llama done by Salvador Dali. The Salvador Dali Llama.<\/p>\n

I do not understand why the Dalai Lama must always be a man. I think this robs the Lama of a wider experience he could have in the world. In Hinduism, which, like Buddhism, started in India, you can be reincarnated as anything. Some things are higher prestige and some are lower.
\nI would like the next incarnation of the Dalai Lama to come packaged as a Llama. He would be the Dalai Lama Llama. I think this would be a fine thing, and give the Lama a change of pace.
\nThe faithful would go out into the field and spread a blanket before the llamas to seek out which one may be the Dalai Llama. Among the items on the blanket would be an item that belonged to the previous package of the Dalai Lama.
\nOne faithful would say to another, \u201cI think this is the Lama. Yes, this one, he has kind eyes.\u201d
\nAnd that one would be the Dalai Lama Llama.
\nUnless he chooses not to pick the item on the blanket. Then he could live a quiet life of llama contemplation. But this would leave his followers without either a Lama or a llama, which would be doubly sad.<\/p>\n

Privately, the Dalai Lama refers to his privates as the \u201cDalai Lama\u2019s package.\u201d<\/p>\n

I saw the current package of the Dalai Lama give a talk before a crowd of people and celebrities. Someone in the crowd asked him if, since a goal of Buddhism is the elimination of suffering, whether he, the Dalai Lama, an enlightened one, suffered.
\nAnd he said that \u201cyes\u201d he did. So we know that he suffers. He carries his share of baggage. It is possible the Dalai Lama Llama could carry more baggage than the previous incarnation of the Dalai Lama.
\nLuckily, enlightenment shields him from depression.
\nIn the west, depression is an epidemic. Even pets suffer from it, and there is prescription medication available for them that you may \u201cask your vet about.\u201d<\/p>\n

In the west, depression is defined as those suffering from a lack of desire; people who may be sitting under a tree waiting in vain for enlightenment to strike.
\nBuddhism teaches that life is suffering, that suffering is caused by desire; desire being the root. Therefore, in order to stop suffering you must quell your desire.
\nYou become enlightened when you no longer want things. This makes it hard to become enlightened, if your desire is to become enlightened. The old dharma catch-22. This is why working hard on your enlightenment bears less fruit than simply sitting under a tree.<\/p>\n

If you have a \u201clack of desire\u201d in a Buddhist culture you are \u201cenlightened.\u201d
\nMeanwhile, in the west, you\u2019re just sick. Sorry.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\"Play\"<\/a><\/div>\n

Podcast: Play in new window<\/a> | Download<\/a> (Duration: 40:39 — 18.7MB)<\/p>

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts<\/a> | Amazon Music<\/a> | Android<\/a> | iHeartRadio<\/a> | Email<\/a> | TuneIn<\/a> | RSS<\/a> | More<\/a><\/p>

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 40:39 — 18.7MB)Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Amazon Music | Android | iHeartRadio | Email | TuneIn | RSS | MoreThis is a demo for a radio program from about two years ago. Henry Rollins was not harmed during the recording of this show, nor was the Dalai Lama. Also, a song is sung. (MP3 at the end after the two bonus Dalai Lama stories. The audio is different than the stories.) Post Papal Nirvana Blues by David Raffin davidraffin.com Is a retired Pope \u201cPope\u201d or \u201cex-Pope”? The Pope\u2019s a quitter. \u2028Remember, the...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[13,12,3,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-639","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-books","category-my-books","category-podcast","category-writing"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3u13S-aj","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":494,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/if-just-one-poem-about-llamas-and-alpacas-will-make-you-happy\/","url_meta":{"origin":639,"position":0},"title":"If just one poem about Llamas and Alpacas will make you happy\u2026","author":"David Raffin","date":"December 3, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Llamas and alpacas\/will never attack us\/as long as we scratch them on the head\/they'll climb up the mountains\/and drink from the fountains\/and build up a lot of street CRED\/for wherever they go forth\/be it due South or due North\/they never go looking for trouble\/I asked one beside me\/while it drank\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Writing"","block_context":{"text":"Writing","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4163,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/todays-standards-beget-practices\/","url_meta":{"origin":639,"position":1},"title":"Today\u2019s Standards Beget Practices","author":"David Raffin","date":"October 6, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"The club with no name met in the computer room which was filled with computers but empty of people. Technically, it had started as a computer club but if we are to be completely honest, looking back upon it, these were nothing but plastic machines which made beeping noises when\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Writing"","block_context":{"text":"Writing","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2313,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/our-social-structure-is-artifacting\/","url_meta":{"origin":639,"position":2},"title":"Our Social Structure is Artifacting","author":"David Raffin","date":"December 1, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com When I was young I learned about life from watching television. I thought when I grew up I would have an affair with my secretary. This is the grown-up thing to do. So much a part of socially accepted society, it becomes a popular in-joke\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Writing"","block_context":{"text":"Writing","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"the end text on tissue paper","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/pexels-photo-3991792.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/pexels-photo-3991792.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/pexels-photo-3991792.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/pexels-photo-3991792.jpeg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/pexels-photo-3991792.jpeg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/pexels-photo-3991792.jpeg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1950,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/tragic-stories-disguised-as-jokes-3\/","url_meta":{"origin":639,"position":3},"title":"Tragic Stories (disguised as jokes)","author":"David Raffin","date":"May 29, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Tragic Stories (disguised as jokes) is a collection of tales told by a monster to a demanding little girl. Monsters are unlucky in love. Cupid explains. Some monsters are closer than others. There is a monster who only dines on one half of any available loving couple, A specialty. You\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Books"","block_context":{"text":"Books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/TSDaJ80-189x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":174,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/true-stories-of-a-fictional-girl-by-chelsea-baker\/","url_meta":{"origin":639,"position":4},"title":"True Stories of a Fictional Girl by Chelsea Baker","author":"David Raffin","date":"July 6, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"My friend Chelsea Baker has published the first of nine issues of her new comic \"True Stories of a Fictional Girl\" detailing her stint as a phone sex operator. It is 20 pages long. It has a naughtiness factor of 2, on a strict scale of 1 to 2. A\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Books"","block_context":{"text":"Books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"True Stories of a Fictional Girl by Chelsea Baker","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/07\/IMG_0314-667x1024.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":644,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/the-spectacle-of-modernity-mimes\/","url_meta":{"origin":639,"position":5},"title":"The Spectacle of Modernity & Mimes","author":"David Raffin","date":"February 16, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"AKA: The Disquieting. A few years old but never before released. Read just after the writing at a small gathering on Halloween. This story will be in my upcoming book of shorts \"Tragic Stories Disguised as Jokes.\" https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=9s33iNo2_VQ \u00a0","rel":"","context":"In "Books"","block_context":{"text":"Books","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/category\/books\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/img.youtube.com\/vi\/9s33iNo2_VQ\/0.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/639","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=639"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/639\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":879,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/639\/revisions\/879"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=639"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=639"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=639"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}