{"id":697,"date":"2014-05-18T10:12:26","date_gmt":"2014-05-18T17:12:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/?p=697"},"modified":"2014-05-18T12:32:10","modified_gmt":"2014-05-18T19:32:10","slug":"witness-the-kitty-cat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/witness-the-kitty-cat\/","title":{"rendered":"Witness the kitty cat"},"content":{"rendered":"

A Hapgood and Fowler erotic adventure<\/em><\/p>\n

Hapgood stared at the crime scene. Actually, he stood at the crime scene, his back to the area of the actual crime. In front of him sat a black house cat. The cat stared to the left of the actual crime scene. Hapgood carefully observed every \u00a0subtle move the cat made. Behind him a small group of lower-level detectives scoured the scene for evidence.<\/p>\n

Fowler walked over and stood at Hapgood\u2019s right. \u201cBall Peen Hammer,\u201d said Fowler with the tone of one who is discussing the weather. \u201cRusty.\u201d
\n\u201cMildly interesting,\u201d replied Hapgood. \u201cBut this cat. This cat undoubtably knows something.\u201d
\n\u201cUndoubtably,\u201d replied Fowler.<\/p>\n

The lower-level detectives paused activity and watched Hapgood and Fowler. \u201cI think Hapgood and Fowler are on to something,\u201d one of them whispered to another.
\n\u201cUndoubtably,\u201d said the other.
\n***
\nIn the law offices of Clark and Frederik, Clark entered Frederik\u2019s office and sat down. There was blood splatter all over his suit, heaviest on the right side.
\n\u201cDid you use the rusty ball peen hammer?\u201d asked Frederik.
\n\u201cYes,\u201d said Clark.
\n\u201cGood. Did anyone see you?\u201d
\n\u201cJust a cat.\u201d
\n\u201cThat\u2019s probably all right.”
\n***
\nBack in their office at the station Fowler held the cat in his arms, slowly stroking it. \u201cHave you seen this?\u201d he asked. He tugged at the collar around the cat\u2019s neck. Attached to it was a name tag.
\n\u201cNo,\u201d said Hapgood. \u201cI have, until now, concentrated wholly on the behavior of the cat.\u201d
\nEmblazoned on the tag was one word: \u201cWitness.\u201d
\n\u201cA name?\u201d asked Fowler.
\n\u201cA description,\u201d said Hapgood.
\n\u201cAt least he is a friendly witness,\u201d said Fowler.
\n\u201cYes,\u201d said Hapgood. \u201cNot like the badger.\u201d
\n***<\/p>\n

\u201cBall Peen Hammer,\u201d said Fowler.
\n\u201cRusty?\u201d asked Hapgood.
\n\u201cYes,\u201d said Fowler. \u201cI feel like I\u2019m repeating myself.\u201d
\n\u201cTwo could be a coincidence,\u201d said Hapgood. \u201cI wouldn\u2019t put a lot of weight on it yet.\u201d
\n\u201cSlow and steady wins the race,\u201d Fowler said.
\nHapgood was watching a hamster run on a wheel. Fowler joined him. Behind them detectives worked on a second crime scene involving a rusty hammer.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis rodent was in a perfect position to see everything,\u201d said Hapgood.
\n\u201cThat is true,\u201d replied Fowler. \u201cHe could not have left the scene. But I would like to point out that doesn\u2019t mean he was watching. He could have been looking the other way. He could have had his eyes closed. He could have been blinking.\u201d
\n\u201cCan you murder a man in the blink of an eye?\u201d asked Hapgood. \u201cWhat do hamsters dream about? Was there something more interesting to look at in the room at the time?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThose are some intriguing\u00a0questions,\u201d said Fowler. \u201cI\u2019m not sure how we can get answers from the hamster.\u201d
\nThe younger detectives stopped detecting and looked toward Fowler and Hapgood in wonder.
\n***
\nFrederik walked into Clark\u2019s office at the firm and sat. Blood splatter covered the left side of his suit, as he was left handed. \u201cVolley,\u201d he said. \u201cYour turn.\u201d
\n***
\nIn the office of Hapgood and Fowler sat a very happy cat.
\n\u201cThe cat ate the witness,\u201d said Fowler.
\n\u201cOne witness ate the other witness,\u201d said Hapgood. \u201cDon\u2019t worry, we\u2019ll get it in the end.\u201d
\n***
\n\u2018The press are calling these the ball peen hammer killings,\u201d said Clark.
\n\u201cWhat about the fact that the hammer is rusty?\u201d asked Frederik.
\n\u201cPapers are rife with inaccuracy, I\u2019m afraid,\u201d said Clark.
\n\u201cThey are missing the whole point,\u201d Frederik said.
\n***
\n\u201cA cat is curious,\u201d said Hapgood. \u201cA hamster is perfectly positioned to see everything in a room. But a bird can talk.\u201d<\/p>\n

In front of Hapgood and Fowler stood a grand cage, and in that cage a parrot.
\n\u201cExtraordinary,\u201d said the rookie detectives gathered in their wake. \u201cTremendously exciting. All senses aroused.\u201d
\nThe bird looked directly at Fowler and said \u201cMurderer.\u201d
\nHapgood asked, \u201cDid you commit all these crimes?\u201d
\n\u201cI am afraid,\u201d said Fowler, \u201cThat the eyewitness testimony is strong.\u201d
\n\u201cYou\u2019ll need a lawyer. Luckily, these cards have been at every scene.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A Hapgood and Fowler erotic adventure Hapgood stared at the crime scene. Actually, he stood at the crime scene, his back to the area of the actual crime. In front of him sat a black house cat. The cat stared to the left of the actual crime scene. Hapgood carefully observed every \u00a0subtle move the cat made. Behind him a small group of lower-level detectives scoured the scene for evidence. Fowler walked over and stood at Hapgood\u2019s right. \u201cBall Peen Hammer,\u201d said Fowler with the tone of one who is discussing the weather. \u201cRusty.\u201d \u201cMildly interesting,\u201d replied Hapgood. \u201cBut this...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"Story: Witness the kitty cat (Cats. Murder. The stuff of the internet)","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[12,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-697","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-my-books","category-writing"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3u13S-bf","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2565,"url":"https:\/\/davidraffin.com\/weblog\/the-tyrannical-rule-of-three-callbacks\/","url_meta":{"origin":697,"position":0},"title":"The Tyrannical Rule of Three Callbacks","author":"David Raffin","date":"February 23, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Last Call for the Three Comedians The melancholic comedian considered the puzzle of existence.\u00a0 The listener doesn\u2019t know. The ins and outs. 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