David Raffin
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Why a Dog Barks, a poem
When a dog hears another dog it responds with a hearty round of reciprocal barking.
This is an unbroken chain, as long as there is a dog to answer the call and response.
It is akin to the human game of telephone.
One message is passed on continuously, dog to dog to dog.
The message starts in China, like the flu.
In the fall one dog barks.
It is heard ’round the world.
It is understood only by dogs.
It is an urgent message, spread urgently.
When it gets to the end, it no longer has any meaning.
Sweat the backstory
At night it falls as low as 17°.
The sweater I am wearing comes from near the beach. It was knitted by hand by a lady with MS. She owned a large cat who would sit on the piles of sweaters for sale.
I don’t have stories for all my clothes. Most people are not aware of the backstory of their attire. And they’re not all as nice as that. Best not to ask the origin of my pants.
Object-Subject; or the Subjectivity of Objects and Observations
“I do not care for that man.”
“Why is that?”
“He objectifies women.”
“You mean he turns women into objects?”
“Yes.”
“That’s actually pretty impressive. Can he change objects into women as well, because he would then be a pretty powerful wizard. I can see why people would wish to avoid him.”
The History of Alchemy
Crossing the same stream twice: Held to be impossible.
Turning water into Wine: Purported, failed to be replicated in lab.
Turning Miscellaneous Matter to Gold: Failure. Repeated Failure.
Turning Coal into Diamonds: Successful. Held to a lower worth due to spite.
Turning Objects into Women: Failed. Abject Failure.
I would like to apologize to Alchemists. They have no desire but to enrich themselves, even though the realization of their dream would ultimately devalue gold. But maybe that’s what they want. Maybe they are saying gold is held at too high a value. Those Alchemists are tricky.
True Blue
Some jokes are designated by color. Some jokes are funny because they are blue. Some people think it more funny if that blue joke is true.
The origin of Pease Porridge, hot and cold, as well as rather old
Everytime I hear “Pease Porridge Hot” I think, “What a terrible advertising jingle.” But then I note that I become desirous for pease porridge of any sort, and I further marvel at the longevity of the ad jingle; as well as the porridge itself.
Pease porridge hot, pease porridge cold,
Pease porridge in the pot, nine days old;
Some like it hot, some like it cold,
Some like it in the pot, nine days old.
I also note that its popularity is possibly spurred by the fact that it long ago fell into the public domain. Now anyone can sing about pease porridge. Or make it in any combination of consistency or temperature. This takes the chill off even the coldest of pease porridge.
[Pease Porridge on Wikipedia, though that page is not as authoritative as this one.]