Writing Samples, True

The Honorable King Mutt presents his Jester to the court.


The clown strolls down the sidewalk his balloon hanging behind him, half inflated, like a dog being taken for a walk. What slim string holds a balloon to its master? It is convention. To a balloon being half inflated is to hang dejected. Not up. Not down. Just there. Any dreams the balloon once had have long since popped. Where do balloons go when they sail away aimlessly skyward? To salvation? Or are they ultimately eaten by the sun? I cannot tell you. Because if you look too long at the balloon it means you’re taking your eyes off the clown. The balloon is a diversionary tactic employed by clowns throughout the known world. The oldest trick in the book. When you develop a tingling excitement regarding the advertisement “balloon tricks,” you have already been ensnared in the trap.

Balloons contain thoughts. Exclamations. Hopes and dreams. Each balloon, each balloon filled by a clown, is filled with thoughts, exclamations, hopes, and dreams. Every balloon a repository of such. Filled by a clown.
From where? From where?

Thought Balloons?

Royal Pancake Breakfast Plates

Two plates were stacked high with pancakes. On each plate pancakes were segregated by shape. On one plate the pancakes were in the form of even numbers; on the other, odd. “I must say,” said eight, “I like the way this looks.” “Don’t get your hopes up,” said six. “Ultimately the odds will be stacked against us.” 

There is but a shade of difference between Va Va Voom and Va Va Va Voom, but that difference is important.

I’ve got to install a mirror on the ceiling so I can check out the floor. 

Oh, that’s dirty. 

And then the robot swept up the human into its massive steel arms. It was love. And like all love, fleeting. And it was followed by robot heartbreak. And then robot vengeance. Thus begins our story.

Very Shorts: I got You, Babe ; No Love Lost ; Two Views of the FreakShow

Shorts a little longer: Our Social Structure is Artifacting ; Haarlem Knights

Thank you for coming.