Writing

I asked the mathematician if there was a musical number. We went to four bars seeking a solution.
I told the mathematician I had tried to enter a pie eating contest but I was told pie was only for winners.
And so I asked the mathematician whether there was a musical number. She danced around the issue.
I told the mathematician I had constructed a chart which converts dollars to donuts. She pointed out a hole. In my theorem.
And so I asked the mathematician if there was a musical number. This is a reprise. It’s a fraction of the earlier number.
So I told this mathematician that I was concerned next they are coming for object permanence. Some of you didn’t see that one coming. Out of sight out of mind.
And so I asked the mathematician how to slice a pie. And she said she wasn’t into division. Then our pies did multiply. At this point we were up to our ears in pie. And we were in arrears on pie. And that’s a sweet conundrum no matter how you slice it. We ducked out on the bill.
The duck billed the platypus $.15.

Rowdy Roddy Piper came to my high school world problems class. He was presented as a small business owner. He owned some car lubrication facilities. Pipers pit.

I am not sure if they knew he was a wrestler.

He gave a blustery wrestling speech about world problems. In it he became really agitated and said that people should be shot for minor crimes. 

The whole classroom erupted in laughter.

Under an American flag, he said “you only laugh because none of you have ever been shot. If one of you had ever been shot, you would think differently.”

And the laughter increased. People were rolling in the aisles.

Except for the one kid sitting in the middle, in a leg cast, of course.

(He had been shot.)

Afterwards, the teacher chewed us all out for disrespect.

This is a true story.

Sometime after that, I was thrown out of that class permanently for “insubordination.” Which is another funny story.

 When the teacher said he was kicking me out for insubordination, I said “this is not the military you increasingly silly man.”

And he ordered me to go to the administration office. And I told him he had to go too. And when we got there, all they did was put me in the other world problems class.

So I learned my lesson.

Burma-Shave

When I went to high school students who drove to school parked in the student parking lot, which was about 30% pickup trucks with gun racks.

This lot was also known as the lake or the swamp because it flooded severely and put the cars and trucks underwater.

I knew this one kid. His dad and older brother would make him go hunting with them frequently. Afterwards, he would sit in class drawing pictures of the animals they killed and cry.

Beautiful pencil drawings of majestic deer, cuddly bears, and the occasional tramp or hobo.

I drove a Plymouth TC3. But regardless of the fact that it was old, it was underwater.

But I had been kicked off the bus for insubordination. So I had to swim to school.

First day of the icy chill of winter. Joe Biden trekked out to that ol’ lamppost n gave ‘er a lick. Became stuck. Called out to his ol’ friend Don Trump. Always ready to help, Trump licked the other side of the lamp post. Becoming stuck. And now the sun goes down over our boys…

That’s how they found ‘em the next morning. Don’t know why they didn’t look to the lamppost sooner. Since that’s where they always go. They was tuckered out. Each one of ‘em spent all night tellin’ the other they was gonna lick ‘im. Now look at ‘em. Tongues worn out. Nap time.

The ventriloquist assistant has lodged a formal complaint regarding the placement of the ventriloquists hand. Further, don’t put words in my mouth.

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Podcast 14, fancy new microphone, O boy

“Someone Else’s Memories” from the album “The Politics of Desire” by Revolution Void licensed under Creative Commons Attribution License 3.0.

Winner Winner! by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4630-winner-winner-
License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Fuzzball Parade by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/5044-fuzzball-parade
License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Grateful acknowledgment thereof.