A Hapgood and Fowler erotic adventure
Hapgood stared at the crime scene. Actually, he stood at the crime scene, his back to the area of the actual crime. In front of him sat a black house cat. The cat stared to the left of the actual crime scene. Hapgood carefully observed every subtle move the cat made. Behind him a small group of lower-level detectives scoured the scene for evidence.
Fowler walked over and stood at Hapgood’s right. “Ball Peen Hammer,” said Fowler with the tone of one who is discussing the weather. “Rusty.”
“Mildly interesting,” replied Hapgood. “But this cat. This cat undoubtably knows something.”
“Undoubtably,” replied Fowler.
The lower-level detectives paused activity and watched Hapgood and Fowler. “I think Hapgood and Fowler are on to something,” one of them whispered to another.
“Undoubtably,” said the other.
***
In the law offices of Clark and Frederik, Clark entered Frederik’s office and sat down. There was blood splatter all over his suit, heaviest on the right side.
“Did you use the rusty ball peen hammer?” asked Frederik.
“Yes,” said Clark.
“Good. Did anyone see you?”
“Just a cat.”
“That’s probably all right.”
***
Back in their office at the station Fowler held the cat in his arms, slowly stroking it. “Have you seen this?” he asked. He tugged at the collar around the cat’s neck. Attached to it was a name tag.
“No,” said Hapgood. “I have, until now, concentrated wholly on the behavior of the cat.”
Emblazoned on the tag was one word: “Witness.”
“A name?” asked Fowler.
“A description,” said Hapgood.
“At least he is a friendly witness,” said Fowler.
“Yes,” said Hapgood. “Not like the badger.”
***
“Ball Peen Hammer,” said Fowler.
“Rusty?” asked Hapgood.
“Yes,” said Fowler. “I feel like I’m repeating myself.”
“Two could be a coincidence,” said Hapgood. “I wouldn’t put a lot of weight on it yet.”
“Slow and steady wins the race,” Fowler said.
Hapgood was watching a hamster run on a wheel. Fowler joined him. Behind them detectives worked on a second crime scene involving a rusty hammer.
“This rodent was in a perfect position to see everything,” said Hapgood.
“That is true,” replied Fowler. “He could not have left the scene. But I would like to point out that doesn’t mean he was watching. He could have been looking the other way. He could have had his eyes closed. He could have been blinking.”
“Can you murder a man in the blink of an eye?” asked Hapgood. “What do hamsters dream about? Was there something more interesting to look at in the room at the time?”
“Those are some intriguing questions,” said Fowler. “I’m not sure how we can get answers from the hamster.”
The younger detectives stopped detecting and looked toward Fowler and Hapgood in wonder.
***
Frederik walked into Clark’s office at the firm and sat. Blood splatter covered the left side of his suit, as he was left handed. “Volley,” he said. “Your turn.”
***
In the office of Hapgood and Fowler sat a very happy cat.
“The cat ate the witness,” said Fowler.
“One witness ate the other witness,” said Hapgood. “Don’t worry, we’ll get it in the end.”
***
‘The press are calling these the ball peen hammer killings,” said Clark.
“What about the fact that the hammer is rusty?” asked Frederik.
“Papers are rife with inaccuracy, I’m afraid,” said Clark.
“They are missing the whole point,” Frederik said.
***
“A cat is curious,” said Hapgood. “A hamster is perfectly positioned to see everything in a room. But a bird can talk.”
In front of Hapgood and Fowler stood a grand cage, and in that cage a parrot.
“Extraordinary,” said the rookie detectives gathered in their wake. “Tremendously exciting. All senses aroused.”
The bird looked directly at Fowler and said “Murderer.”
Hapgood asked, “Did you commit all these crimes?”
“I am afraid,” said Fowler, “That the eyewitness testimony is strong.”
“You’ll need a lawyer. Luckily, these cards have been at every scene.”
David Raffin
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