John Cleese’s favorite John Cleese joke

John Cleese says the best joke he ever wrote was inadvertently cut out of the film Life of Brian due to “camera angles.”
In the film Cleese’s character says, “There are two things you have to know about the meaning of life. The first is that people are not wearing enough hats. The second is that there are several paths to enlightenment but they all involve a lot of work, time, and concentration. Unfortunately people get bogged down by things that don’t really matter and concentrate on them above all else.”
At this point one of the listeners says, “Wait… What was that thing again about the hats?”

Sweat the backstory

At night it falls as low as 17°.
The sweater I am wearing comes from near the beach. It was knitted by hand by a lady with MS. She owned a large cat who would sit on the piles of sweaters for sale.
I don’t have stories for all my clothes. Most people are not aware of the backstory of their attire. And they’re not all as nice as that. Best not to ask the origin of my pants.

Object-Subject; or the Subjectivity of Objects and Observations

“I do not care for that man.”
“Why is that?”
“He objectifies women.”
“You mean he turns women into objects?”
“That’s actually pretty impressive. Can he change objects into women as well, because he would then be a pretty powerful wizard. I can see why people would wish to avoid him.”

The History of Alchemy
Crossing the same stream twice: Held to be impossible.
Turning water into Wine: Purported, failed to be replicated in lab.
Turning Miscellaneous Matter to Gold: Failure. Repeated Failure.
Turning Coal into Diamonds: Successful. Held to a lower worth due to spite.
Turning Objects into Women: Failed. Abject Failure.

I would like to apologize to Alchemists. They have no desire but to enrich themselves, even though the realization of their dream would ultimately devalue gold. But maybe that’s what they want. Maybe they are saying gold is held at too high a value. Those Alchemists are tricky.