David Raffin

True Blue

Some jokes are designated by color. Some jokes are funny because they are blue. Some people think it more funny if that blue joke is true.

A Chinaman’s chance

There is an article in the Atlantic with this gem in it:

Wing Luke, the first Asian American elected to the Seattle City Council (or to any office in the entire Northwest) in 1962. When he was running, a white politico told him he didn’t have a Chinaman’s chance of winning the election. Luke replied, without missing a beat, “On the contrary—I am the only one with a Chinaman’s chance.”

The origin of Pease Porridge, hot and cold, as well as rather old

Everytime I hear “Pease Porridge Hot” I think, “What a terrible advertising jingle.” But then I note that I become desirous for pease porridge of any sort, and I further marvel at the longevity of the ad jingle; as well as the porridge itself.

Pease porridge hot, pease porridge cold,
Pease porridge in the pot, nine days old;
Some like it hot, some like it cold,
Some like it in the pot, nine days old.

I also note that its popularity is possibly spurred by the fact that it long ago fell into the public domain. Now anyone can sing about pease porridge. Or make it in any combination of consistency or temperature. This takes the chill off even the coldest of pease porridge.

[Pease Porridge on Wikipedia, though that page is not as authoritative as this one.]

The Arkansas Traveller

They don’t have a lot of religious relics in the United States but those they have they hold dear. In Arkansas they have the original pogo stick Jesus used to jump on. When a traveller challenged the authenticity of the relic he was murdered by true believers. This happened in 1919 the same year sticks were patented and imported to the US.
Today there is a song schoolchildren sing about it, but the revised song purports to be about a bumble bee. It is no longer the state song, having been supplanted in 1974 with “Arkansas’ll Getcha.”

Cursed objects and the purchase thereof

Not every item at The Old Curiosity Shop is cursed. In fact, those that are we keep safely behind the counter. You may only gaze upon them in the presence of our highly trained staff. Touching is forbidden unless you are over the age of eighteen and are certified to handle cursed objects. We will not sell a cursed item to any customer without a full background check and a waiting period.

An exception to this is the cursed item grab bag by the door. Pick a box, any box. You never know what you will get and that is part of the fun. As always, re-gifting from the grab bag is forbidden. You get what you get and what you got is yours and yours alone.

Some items, however, are magical without the added onus of being cursed, per se. There is no extra charge for this. The magic, we give away. This saves the consumer from having to pay the magic tax, which can be hefty.
No magic tax on any item bought this year. We eat the magic tax. Literally. We transform it into cupcakes that we sell next door. Please stop by on the way out. This is how we pass the magic tax back onto you.

Buy three objects and you may refer to them as a Trinity. No charge.
The Old Curiosity Shop. Unending Bargains! Ceaseless Havoc! Eternal Joy! Constant Dread! Free Parking! Soundproof Walls!