David Raffin
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Doctor: This is really quite serious. Your anxiety is now causing physical symptoms.
Me: I see. Will it break free all those emotions I jailed inside a cardboard box all those years ago?
Doctor: Perhaps. Wait, you did what?
Me: Confined all my emotions to a cardboard box and taped it up.
Doctor: I’m pretty sure you’re never supposed to do that.
Me: Yes, cardboard was a very poor choice. But, in my defense, it held a lot longer than you would think.
Doctor: When you look outside the window do you see something resembling Edvard Munch’s painting The Scream?
Me: Yes. Yes, that is exactly what I see. Isn’t that what everybody sees when they look outside the window?
Doctor: No.
Me: I also see a pack of wolves attacking a clown.
Doctor: Oh, I’m afraid that is very real. Wolves have to eat.
Doctor: I’m going to put you on an anti- anxiety drug.
Me: My fear is that I need my anxiety. I mean, what if an anti-anxiety drug dulls my ability to fight off a confrontation with a bear?
Doctor: When was the last time you had a confrontation with a bear?
Me: Oh Doctor, you know so little about bears. It is the readiness, at all times, to deal with a bear incursion that wards off bears.
