David Raffin

Not how, but why to make a monster

He’s really quite a lovely fellow/though his skin is green and eyes are yellow/I certainly applaud your use of time/Doctor Victor Frankenstein/
Yes, he is, indeed, very top shelf/I needed a friend so made him myself.


Mud in your eye, here

The ‘Mud in your eye bandit’ always screamed “Here’s mud in your eye!” before actually throwing mud in your eye. He said he stood for radical honesty. Really, he just liked throwing mud in people’s eyes.


Poems about monsters, cake, and coconuts

There may be monsters in the lake/their image is placed upon a cake/people come from far and wide/their belief in monsters they can’t decide/what they know, they know, yes, in haste/they all agree they enjoy the monster’s taste/its fearsome visage in red and green/I do believe it’s faux buttercream.

Some find it appalling/coconuts are falling/the moment one rises from bed/but that’s just how coconuts get ahead.

sadness machines and camels

This Black Friday one could find excellent deals on those little machines that measure sadness.
Why would one build or purchase a machine which measures sadness? Because otherwise one would have sadness without measure.

I’m a tragedian. But, in my defense, I do write delightful poems about Arabian one-humped camels.

If I met a dromedary/ I would never make him carry/ packs or parcels here nor there/ nor set him up with a polar bear.



Buy Products, a novel by Noah Cicero

Read an extract from Noah Cicero’s dystopian novel at Dazed Digital.

She smiled at me. The smile was false. She was smiling because she considered it the thing to do when meeting someone. I smiled back. My smile was false.


[amazon template=iframe image&asin=1621051285]


I cannot recommend to you highly enough the film Rubber. The world does not have enough metafictional absurdist films about tyres.  Not nearly enough.

Rubber is a film about a tyre named Robert who rolls around making things explode while an audience watches. I need tell you no more of this story. That should be enough to pique your interest. If it isn’t, then this is not the film for you.

[amazon template=iframe image&asin=B004TFTE86]