David Raffin
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The ‘Mud in your eye bandit’ always screamed “Here’s mud in your eye!” before actually throwing mud in your eye. He said he stood for radical honesty. Really, he just liked throwing mud in people’s eyes.
David Raffin
Poems about monsters, cake, and coconuts
There may be monsters in the lake/their image is placed upon a cake/people come from far and wide/their belief in monsters they can’t decide/what they know, they know, yes, in haste/they all agree they enjoy the monster’s taste/its fearsome visage in red and green/I do believe it’s faux buttercream.
Some find it appalling/coconuts are falling/the moment one rises from bed/but that’s just how coconuts get ahead.
sadness machines and camels
This Black Friday one could find excellent deals on those little machines that measure sadness.
Why would one build or purchase a machine which measures sadness? Because otherwise one would have sadness without measure.
I’m a tragedian. But, in my defense, I do write delightful poems about Arabian one-humped camels.
If I met a dromedary/ I would never make him carry/ packs or parcels here nor there/ nor set him up with a polar bear.
Buy Products, a novel by Noah Cicero
Read an extract from Noah Cicero’s dystopian novel at Dazed Digital.
She smiled at me. The smile was false. She was smiling because she considered it the thing to do when meeting someone. I smiled back. My smile was false.
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The existential who’s on first routine:
Lou: Who’s on first?
Bud: No one knows.
Lou: Surely someone knows?
Bud: What does it matter.
This conversation continues until one of the participants dies of a heart attack.
Approximately 43 years.
Third Base!
Rubber
I cannot recommend to you highly enough the film Rubber. The world does not have enough metafictional absurdist films about tyres. Â Not nearly enough.
Rubber is a film about a tyre named Robert who rolls around making things explode while an audience watches. I need tell you no more of this story. That should be enough to pique your interest. If it isn’t, then this is not the film for you.
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The evil twin conundrum
Evil twins are unhappy about the loss of half their potential. They never feel as evil as they could have been. This feeling of inadequacy makes them more evil, as the result is they try harder. As their plans get more intricate therein lies the flaw. The chance for failure grows exponentially. Begin again at the start of the paragraph. This is the evil twin conundrum.